Breaking Out! Chronicles of a spiritual journey

Environmental Medicine

2004-12-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

A few discoveries:

Low adrenal gland function - most likely from elevated insulin and elevated cortisol levels. Saliva tests showed that I do have hyperinsulimia (no Type 1 diabetes here, folks!) They also showed that I have a pretty flat level of cortisol production. Normally for people, it's high in the morning and low at night. I kind of flat-line all the time. The doctor asked me to take Rhodiola, an herb to help this out... I'm not sure if this is helping, as I think we're treating lab values here.
Low levels of pancreatic enzymes. I'm supposed to take enzyme supplements... Actually, my digestion seems a bit worse right now.
Candida Krusei - could be from diabetes or vice versa. Kind of a chicken/egg problem. Anyway, to get rid of my Candida, I'm on Caprylic Acid and probiotics. I've also started eating Natto (Japanese fermented soybeans) and Kimchi (the fermented, not the pickled kind). My tounge is less coated now.

Other random health nuggets:

Chiropractic adjustments down to once a month. I'm doing OK there, but I'm not sure it really helped the diabetes.
Dr. Whitaker's Glucose Essentials (supplements) don't seem to be doing much for me.
Teslar Watch to reduce effects of harmful electromagnetic radiation doesn't seem to be doing much for me.

Anyway, just a quick log on this.

Christmas Day 2004

2004-12-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas day 2004, and I thought I'd add to a blog entry. I haven't written one in almost two months now. My kids are napping after staying up late Christmas Eve and getting up early to see what Santa brought...

I am learning much better about "being" versus "doing." The original reason I think I started the blog was that some need to "do" something every day. Now, I'm becoming much better about just "being."

Some thoughts on how I want to "be..."

Aware and insightful about my inner self
Less stressed and just more accepting
More journey-focused, not destination-focused
Valued by family and friends
Helpful

I've recognized I have a tendency to jump through hoops just to be those things. Why?

To get less stressed, there's the logic to earn more money to feel more secure, but why not just feel secure?
To get more insightful about myself, there's the logic to read more to facilitate discovery, but aren't all the answers already inside of us?
What better way to get journey-focused than to start on the journey today?
How can you be valued by family and friends or how can you be helpful if you aren't there?

This holiday season truly feels the best ever to me because for the first time in my life, I'm not looking "ahead" to the next thing (like when I graduate from school or when I'm getting the next promotion or etc. etc.), but instead just enjoying the "now."

Truest purpose...

2004-11-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

I have often been told in professional life that I have a unique ability to explain concepts and to motivate. Similarly, in personal life, I have found that people naturally turn to me for various forms of advice.

To date, the subjects have been rather superficial. Professionally, they have been around the types of software I have been involved in marketing, and personanlly, they have been around business ideas or even home technology purchases. This dispensing of advice lead me originally down the path of being a technology marketing consultant, but an inner feeling is driving away my motivation to really hustle and get this type of business going.

I believe the reason may be that I don't want to be remembered for giving advice on how to market meaningless products or services. I think my calling may be to figure out a way to help others like me hear to better listen to their own inner knowing...

For me, this has been somewhat of a revelation. I really am connecting more the the theme of The Matrix in that the ship's crew looked to free people from the Matrix one at a time... I think I would feel great if I could both live my life in balance and help others attain that balance as well.

I believe my own bout with a chronic disease is the result of an improper mind/body balance. Is this a uniquely good way to mark a "target market" for whom I might help?

Been a while since I've blogged...

2004-10-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't believe it's been about four weeks since I last put in a blog entry.

I'll start with an update...

I started seeing the environmental medicine (clinical ecology) doctor for my own condition. So far, I've found out that I might be "yeasty" as my tounge is "coated" and that I am allergic to just about everything (except eggs, which my younger daughter has an allergy, too). Also, what is interesting is that I don't show allergies to either apples or bananas, which I suspected I was allergic to. I am awaiting the results of my blood, stool, and saliva tests.

The allergy technician recommended that I start sublingual immunotherapy, but remain skeptical that this can work in my case.
During my food allergy testing at the environmental doctor, I met a very interesting guy. He works for World Vision (his name was "Charlie") now after having an inspiration 22 years ago to shift careers from being a salesperson to working with a charity. He has one daughter (now 30), who was brain injured at birth and one normal daughter. Through life challenges in caring for his brain-injured daughter, he saw how charity can enrich people's lives and decided to devote his career to charity.

He recommended a book to me which I've now read by Bob Buford called Halftime. Buford also has a Web site - http://www.halftime.org. This book, despite its heavily Christian point-of-view overtones is quite good.
I was introduced to another startup company. I enjoyed meeting the founder, who was the inventor of the T9 text input method for mobile phones. Unfortunately, he was more interested in having me potentially part of a permanent management team rather than as a consultant
I am happy with my older daughter's school - the new elementary school at the bottom of the hill. Going to the curriculum night and again seeing her principal and meeting her teacher gave me more confidence to keep the kids in their current schools at least through elementary school...
The work is done on our house now. We've decided not to sell our house anymore for the time being. The impending event of switching before my older duaghter started this school is over, and we also recognize that we won't get all the money back for the new siding, the roof work, etc. I have already called the person who is staged our home to take her toys home. Unfortunatey, her dad died, so this may take a while.
I went to a friend's wedding in Louisiana. It was a decent time. While I didn't necessarily "connect" with anyone in particular, I did enjoy touring through Natchitoches (pronounced nak-a-dish) by myself and took a number of photos. I was also very happy for my friend, the groom, as both his family and her family just seemed like very great people who will get along well. Outside of the last day in Natchitoches after abusin my body at the wedding on meat pies, my waking blood sugars were lower in Lousiana just as they were in Houston.
My photo kiosk arrived. I am still working through some logistical issues, so it's not operational yet, but at least I have a unit... Yesterday and Friday were largely spent trying to get everything working...
I have discontinued my psychotherapy. I just wasn't feeling like there was new value added from this. I'm tapering down my chiropractic as well...
I don't know if it's the new TV season or if I'm starting to stagnate a little bit. While I traditionally haven't watched much television, I kind of got hooked on this show on TV now called Desperate Housewives - basically a nighttime soap. How sad.
We're also dealing with some issues with my younger daughter. With her eczema, I think she's figured out that health issues get her attention, and I believe she has been feigning a sour stomach to get attention. My wife and I are now taking the approach of "tough love" which is that we are treating her as if she was really sick - so she can't go anywhere or eat any good stuff right now. I hope it works...

Other thoughts are that I suck at Hold 'Em Poker, I spend more time watching baseball rooting for Boston (weird), and that I am truly torn about the presidential election. I don't like either candidate, but for some reason I think I like Kerry less despite that I know what damage has been done under Bush. Very odd feeling here...

My wife has been in the process of "detox" swapping out tupperware for glass and our teflon cookware in favor of cast iron and enamel...

Daughter's back soreness

2004-09-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

My younger daughter has complained of back soreness twice now.

Yesterday, I took her to the chiropractor, and she was only slightly out of alignment. I've got a follow up appointment for her so she can get scanned. After getting adjusted, my daughter said she felt better.

My wife now believes that the issue may have been associated with the resistance therapy that we have been giving her for molds. The allergist did in fact say that the drops have been associated with some joint soreness.

The chiropractor added that eczema is often a sign of nerve stress...

More credence to the pancreatic allergy theory

2004-09-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

My waking blood sugars in Houston were lower than they are here in Seattle.

I took morning measurements on two different mornings - 127 and 126.

Just another data point after the previous Hawaii and Southern California experiences. The other thing to note is that like Hawaii and Southern California, Houston was very warm...

Reverting?

2004-09-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

I am wondering if I am reverting a bit. My Timex Ironman Watch broke, and I just bought a Timex IronMan DataLink watch to hopefully carry my calendar in a more convenient form factor than my old Palm.

I also finally caved and bought an Ogo to do wireless e-mail!

So, I am giving into the "gadget culture." Granted, these gadgets aren't expensive, but they are gadgets nonetheless.

At the same time, I'm also finding myself spending a lot more time worrying about finances. Given my photo kiosk purchase, my family vacation, and the siding of our house, there has been a much quicker cash burn than I had originally forecast...

Also, the meditation program has been more lax lately, too.

Future career criteria...

2004-09-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'll try to articulate the future career criteria that I've come up with so far...

Time balance. One thing my dad helped articulate is that startup companies will almost never afford you this by the very design of the investment scenario. Investors get their return by getting results faster.
Independence. The business should remain steadfast in its upholding its own principles. Where things go awry is when other interests (e.g., appeasing Wall Street) takes precedence over doing the right thing.
Making a difference. This is vague, I know. I want to be really making a difference in someone's life, not just enhancing some businesses' "productivity."
Financially rewarding. There is still a pragmatic side of me that says that what I do has to be something that is not only worth money but also something that I feel good charging for. For example, while I think that providing alternative diabetes counseling could make money, I wouldn't feel good charging for it.

These are very strict criteria, I know. Interestingly, going back to a startup only meets 1 of the 4 (financially rewarding).

Marketing consulting for high tech startups also only meets 2 of the 4 (time and independence). My photo kiosk business meets the same two. My dad has suggested a career in private equity that meets 2 of the 4 (time and financially rewarding).

Good trip down to Houston

2004-09-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was in Houston for my dad's 70th birthday. Overall, it was a great trip.

I think more than anything, I recognized that in my dad's hesitance to join the 70-and-over club, he has gotten quite a bit more introspective. Also, I'm glad that we had a chance to talk a bit given that there has been a dearth of communication in the past. I guess I always knew there was a lot going on inside of his head, but it was nice to hear him verbalize that he thinks of me.

I was especially appreciative of his support and understanding that choices I face are different from the ones he had to face upon immigrating to the US. I think that despite our paths being very different, he appreciates the need to seek other forms of fulfillment other than career advancement.

Like with many, I think my dad is basically on the same page, but perhaps just a tad bit off. He has recommended that I rethink a career in the financial industry - perhaps working for a private equity firm... He has left me with a book on KKR for insight. Candidly, I'm not sure that this is really the direction because of a lack of spirtual angle. In another entry, I'll attempt to articulate what I've learned so far...

My wife had heartburn again last night...

2004-09-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

This heartburn issue has become more frequent as of late, and I believe it could be stress related. Here's what I know about:

Our daughter's allergies and the impact this will have on our lives
The routine of the kids being in school
The politics going on in the stay-at-home-mom crowd in school
Cooking for a low-carb diabetic guy separate from cooking for the kids
Money - my unemployment status and spiritual growth process
The workers around our house ripping off the siding
Our inability to sell our home after almost 4 months on the market
Stress with our neighbors that built the backyard behind our home and their apparent success in selling their home without a real estate agent after very little time

I could be missing something.

Dream log 09/18 - graduation...

2004-09-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

I had this very odd dream last night. The experiences seemed very rich at the time, but at the same time there was a bit of stress of uncertainty.

I was graduating from MIT. My mom and my sister were supposed to be there, but for some reason, I'm not that focused about going to the ceremony. I do other things along the way and things still happen smoothly, but somehow I take little detours.

I start at a party, and I run into a friend of mine who is originally from Rwanda and that in reality I met later in life. I try to ask her about her social life. Then, somehow, I end up talking to this girl with sort of blond kinky, hair, and we chat a bit. We end up going back to her dorm room and hanging out, and generally having a good time. This girl is my friend from school, I know, but for some reason I don't remember her last name right. (Later in my dream when I introduce her to my mom, it was clear that for all that time I never knew there was a second syllable to her last name).

Anyway, in this dream, I am running kind of late stopping to just chill out with her and build a better bond. We go back to my dorm room so I can change to a nicer outfit. I also met up with my good friend (the same one that recommended the special eczema formula). Ultimately, I end up meeting my mom and my sister en route, and they are wondering where I was.

We end up getting to a part of the prepatory part of the ceremony, and there is seating for us, it's just upstairs in this overflow section that is filling up. I don't end up getting to sit with my mom and sister anyway, and we're watching some video anyway. Later, I end up going through a line of rituals they have as part of this ceremony which includes coloring the lips with these herbs and drinking a champagne with berries in it. I feel like I'm chronically late, but there is still a big line of people going through a big line of rituals to graduate, and I'm certainly not the last one...

Later, there's a party before the final event. I think what was going to be a small get-together at my house turned into something where there were lots of people coming and going. One of the people who left was my blond, kinky-haired friend who went to rejoin with her family. She invited me to join them, but I wanted to stay at my own house. One was a fellow in a wheelchair that lived in my dorm at MIT. This particular guy used an electric wheelchair when I was in school and was not in great shape. However, in this dream, he'd modified a razor scooter to get him around and had these huge arms. I also got in a conversation with a friend-of-a-friend who is really kind of out-of-shape but who in this dream was a big skateboarder and rollerblader. I'm having a great time at this party...

Unfortunately, I think I woke up before the final graduation, but this really felt like watching a movie...

I look back at this dream, and I think that what happened in this dream would have been very different from how I would have spent the time with such an event. Normally, everything would be very planned, and I'd have dedicated time to spend with certain people in my life.

What was interesting is that outside of one of my close friends from MIT, none of the other people that I would have expected played a role in my final celebration. Instead, I had a very different experience. It felt a bit stressful at times as I needed to figure out how to get from one place to another, but once I was there, the experiences seemed very rich...

Very unhappy people...

2004-09-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

The contractors working on our home felt that our neighbors must be just very unhappy people.

I'm not sure about this, but since our neighbors started their backyard project behind our home, there has been a lot of "dirt" that has emerged about them. It's not confined to the somewhat rude voice mail message she received as we attempted to mitigate their project with some of our own landscaping. We also know that our gardener - and now our contractors - have gotten confronted by the neighbors. Also, others have begun to share their own stories about these neighbors...

Personally, I feel a bit uncomfortable about some of the backtalking going on, and at the same time I only hope that we do not ever come across to others as "very unhappy people."

No Karaoke Revolution for 24 days...

2004-09-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

My older daughter is now into day 3 of her "sentence" and I think she's holding up.

She really enjoyed Konami's Karaoke Revolution, and she was excited to hear that a sequel was coming out. We purchased it online at Costco.com and received it in the mail earlier this week. Right before bedtime, our girls were playing the game, and my wife told my older daughter it was time to go to bed. Unfortunately, she was determined to try to get "Gold" on one of the songs, and she started crying because she wanted to try just one more time.

Ultimately, she spun somewhat out of control and accidentally hit her sister on the same arm that got all the allergy testing. Then, my wife had two kids out of control on her, and my older daughter was prohibited from singing Karaoke Revolution for 24 days - one day for each allergy testing site on my younger daughter's arm.

I was gone through most of this, as I was helping my wife's cousin to debug issues with their home Internet connection. That said, at my wife's direction, I did have a chat with my older daughter so that she understood that the punishment was not about having a determination to do better but rather to not to let things get out of control to the point there are other unforeseen consequences...

While I normally don't think that singing would be considered a risk factor for exacerbating pain in someone else's arm, chaos theory can probably explain this. :)

In any case, I think my older daughter is now handling the situation well. I think she'll learn the lesson well.

Dust mite allergies...

2004-09-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

My younger daughter has dust mite allergies, too. We discovered this on her second allergy testing appointment. My wife has been doing research on strategies to reduce dust mite allergens in the home.

What I do recognize is that there are now mounting costs to all of this, and her eczema combined with my own mental and physical health care costs are going to force us to make some choices soon.

Our "burn rate" since I quit my job is somewhat exceeding forecasts because of my photo kiosk, my increased use of the alternative health care system not covered by insurance, our home selling costs (not the least of which now is our siding project), our driving vacation, and now my daughter's identified allergies that may be the cause of her eczema.

The lottery streak ended...

2004-09-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

I bought a Mega Millions ticket because the lottery was at $55M. It's now at $64M.

I broke my streak. I got NO numbers correct this time. Perhaps I was prescient in saying now I should stop, or perhaps I should use this opportunity to recognize that my growth process has been stalled a bit or taking a different direction.

My older daughter did get one number right (38), and my younger daughter did as well as I did...

Wrong direction?

2004-09-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

I keep trying to move forward on the logistics of life. I thought I'd perhaps landed a consulting gig, but I'm not sure this one will work out. I think the entrepreneur who was interested started to see some signs that there might not be a fit. While I think I can help them, I also expressed some of own reservations to my wife on Wednesday night.

Looking inward, I'm probably just being a bit too transparent about the kind of stuff I don't want to be doing.

And, looking inward, I probably have to treat these situations like china in need of some cleaning. It may need some very thorough cleaning, but I need to be gentle with it. Trying to throw it in the dishwasher is something that will clean it but isn't very good with the china. So, the most important thing is love of the china, not love of cleaning.

This is perhaps the spiritual twist I need to take...

Been a bit ill for a bit...

2004-09-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

I somehow contracted a case of diarrhea that lasted a couple of days. I'm not exactly sure what happened. It could have been a combination of Steel Pig Barbeque (food poisoning?), black bean chili (bowel irritation?), and some general sensitivity perhaps created through some of the supplements I've been eating (brewer's yeast?) In general, I've read that this kind of thing that doesn't last is generally not worth the time of the medical profession to assign a root cause to.

That said, I've been out of sorts, and my skin was showing some signs of wear. What's interesting is that on my right side, there was a tight spot identified by my chiropractor, and while there could be many causes, including muscular-skeletal issues, she said she could possibly trace it back to my liver working hard to detoxify. She also recommended that I try to eat ak-mak crackers to calm down my system and get some calories in. They taste pretty good, and they did stay down!

Needless to say, I didn't start the running program.

39 Days until the Dawg Dash

2004-09-14T03:32:00.000-07:00

OK, so I haven't been running at all, but I was tagged as the guy in the family that will run the Dawg Dash. My wife ran it last year.

The reason we go to this race is that there is a kids' race called the Pups Run which my girls love to run. They run one lap around an indoor track and receive ribbons for completing it.

It's hard to believe that I've run marathons and a 10K race will be stressful, but I can't remember the last time that I ran that far. Since being diagnosed with diabetes, I've cut all aerobic exercise out of the mix... I guess it's time to put together a mini training schedule!

Siding work will begin on our home today...

2004-09-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so today, our house goes off the market, and we're going to have our LP siding replaced. I love adding this expense to the mix. Hopefully, we'll get it back on the back end when we relist our home.

In other real estate related news, it appears that our neighbors who purchased a piece of land behind us and built a yard that infringes on our privacy have been marketing their home without a real estate agent. They've also seeded a rumor through one of our neighbors that they have an interested party and will most likely get an offer. Let's see how this one goes...

My daughter's slight egg allergy as a possible cause of eczema?

2004-09-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

My younger daughter had her first allergy testing appointment, and she reacts to eggs. This could be one of the causes of her eczema. It looks like we're going to have to restrict eggs from her diet and to start giving her low concentrations of egg drops to build a resistance. It could take anywhere from 2-5 years of treatment before she is "cured."

This will present a challenge for my wife who does all the meal preparation and meal planning because she's got the diabetes person on the one side (me) and the food allergy person (my younger daughter) on the other. On the other hand, while eggs themselves aren't bad, most foods that children eat containing eggs (cookies, cakes, chicken nuggets, etc.) aren't good for them anyway. Perhaps the positive spin on this is that we will be forced to live more healthy lifestyles as a result...

More costs with photo kiosk business...

2004-09-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not stressed, per se, but I'm already beginning to see slightly higher costs associated with the photo kiosk business. At a top level, there are still questions as to whether this will "go" as people have to use the machine. So, all these costs remain insignificant compared to the machine investment itself.

That said, there are some costs that are a bit higher...

My location is in an old building in downtown Seattle, and the costs to run wires will be more than I'd thought originally. I even have to run my own electrical down to the spot.
The outdoor site is windy, and I'll be hanging outdoor signage from an awning rafter. I thought I'd originally get away with a ruggedized vinyl sign, but it looks like I'm going to have to go for metal because I can't secure the sign from the bottom to keep it from blowing up and around the rafter.
There will be some fixed monthly costs associated with the merchant account (monthly statement fees, etc.)
Even the City of Seattle imposes its own tax structure. At the beginning, I'd only researched Newcastle taxes which only involved a small $25 business license fee. This really only hits me at the low end (fixed cost of a more expensive business license) and the high end (revenue tax) though.

Moreover, I'm thinking here that I'll probably need to invest in some marketing to tell local businesses and residents that this machine is there so that I can offset the tourist business... Probably postcards or flyers or something...

Cholesterol Myth?

2004-09-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so I've now purchasd a couple of books on the topic of cholesterol, and it's not clear to me that lowering cholesterol is even a good thing to do.

First, there is definitely questioning along the lines of whether the correlation between high blood cholesterol and heart disease even exists. It doesn't appear to be the case in elderly women, or even women at all. Moreover, studies that show the correlation are flawed. The book The Cholesterol Myths: Exposing the Fallacy that Saturated Fat and Cholesterol Cause Heart Disease points this out, among other arguments.

Second, if there is a correlation, the bigger question is whether the relationship is causal. The Homocysteine Theory as outlined by Kilmer McCully suggests that it is homocysteine and not cholesterol that is to blame for arterial sclerosis and that lowering cholesterol by itself does not reduce heart disease. Recent data concurs, such as the study on Merck's Zocor that shows that higher dosages of the compound did not reduce coronary heart disease despite the cholesterol-lowering effects. It is now theorized that some other mechanism that statins like Lipitor induce is what's responsible for reductions in heart disease.

Moreover, because of the known effects of statins, there is certainly an argument that suggests cholesterol lowering should not be a goal.

Still, I will continue eating soy, Omega-3 oil supplements, soluble fiber, and plant sterol supplements. These are lacking in our diets anyway, but I recognize that diet alone is a tough, if not impossible, way to lower cholesterol.

Update about the lot on "The Street"

2004-09-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

This lot is buildable. We've had the City of Bellevue look at it. We've had a builder look at the plans.

The issue here is going to be that it's going to be expensive to lay down foundation and to solve the driveway issues. We will most likely defer any decisions on this lot while we figure out whether I have environmental allergies in this area...

Slight chiropractic improvements not noticeable

2004-09-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

I got my chiropractic re-examination after 10 adjustments, and there are some improvements. They aren't substantial, but apparently my body is showing signs that it is responding to treatments. Even though I don't feel any different, I'll give this some more time.

I do like the new chiropractor a lot, too. When I first went to the chiropractor before vacation, I did not get the "warm and fuzzies" from the chiropractor there. That said, I opted to continue to seek treatment there, somewhat against my wife's feelings on this matter.

When I showed up for my first appointment, I find out that they've hired a new chiropractor, and I like her a lot! It turns out that the chiropractor I originally met with is leaving the office to start her own practice.

Anyway, we'll see how this goes, too. Seems like there are a lot of things going on like this in my life...

Pursuing consulting opportunities...

2004-09-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

I still never heard back from the friend of a friend that blew me off for a meeting from Starbuck's. (See August 31 post.) I also did not hear back from a friend of a friend that took off to Denver just before my e-mailing a resume to him.

I still have a couple of things going. I have lunch with the CEO of a local company on Monday, and I've got an ongoing e-mail dialogue with the CEO of a company in California that I met with while down there on vacation. The reality is that I'm seriously thinking about joining his company on a permanent basis should the forces of the universe work that way...

Still building photo kiosk business...

2004-09-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

Here's an update on the photo kiosk business.

Secured a signed agreement with a tourism store in Seattle
Posted a Web site to use on credit card receipts and on signage
Initiated the process for a merchant credit account to accept Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and Discover
Requested quotations for both premises wiring and signage

And throughout the month, I've been making Hillwork Group, LLC a reality.

Obtained federal tax ID, Washington UBI number
Licensed in Washington and in the City of Newcastle
Opened business bank account and received register checks and an endorsement stamper (I need receivables though...)

Right now, this business has been all about spending. I can't wait for revenue...

House is being delisted...

2004-09-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today, our real estate agent stopped by. We are delisting our home. As of now, we have no absolutely no offers. The one party that expressed the most interest ultimately expressed concern over the siding. To obviate this concern, our real estate agent recommended that we do our own inspection.

An inspection turned up a need to reside our home, and we told our real estate agent that we would not accept further losses. She felt the best thing to do was to take the home off the market and list it again in January.

The interesting tidbit about the Northwest is that the successful real estate agents here make 75% of their money in January through March. This is because the serious home buyers - the relocations, empty nesters, and others are out in force, and there is less competition.

The home is going to be delisted as of Tuesday.

Environmental medicine

2004-09-11T12:10:00.000-07:00

We ended up taking our younger daughter to an Environmental Medicine doctor. Our traditional pediatrician recommended corticosteroids. Our good friend provided a recommendation to Julius Roth Eczema Therapy, and we seriously considered this treatment, but we decided we wanted a local doctor rather than one in the UK. Another friend of my older daughter's from dance class used an Environmental Medicine doctor, and this worked. The girl is cured!

So, we're trying this out, and we had our first appointment. The doctor said that eczema is caused by three things - nutritional deficiencies, food allergies, and problems in the gut. The program we are undergoing now is threefold:

Supplementation with flaxseed oil, a multivitam, and a zinc supplement.
Stool testing - this is a do-at-home test through the mail with a lab in Kent, WA.
Allergy testing. The allergy testing will be for four separate 2 1/2 hour sessions.

Let's see how it goes for her.

More significantly for me, the doctor also suggested something interesting related to diabetes. He indicated that allergies often don't actually go into remission but actually move to different organs, The pancreas is one organ that is known to inherit these allergic responses. He's noticed that blood sugars can go up as an allergic reaction.

This has made me wonder whether my high blood sugar is in part caused by environmental allergies I have to substances native to the Pacific Northwest. After all, as a child, I had debilitating allergies. This would also explain why my blood sugar appears to be so much better when I'm on vacation. While I thougth it might be a "destress" program, it might just be an "away from allergens" problem.

I made my own appointment to see the environmental medicine doctor.

Meant not to work?

2004-08-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who has constantly been getting rejected from job offers as if the universe is trying to pull him out to do something else.

I'm beginning to think that this is happening to me, too. My trip to California turned up a negative for consulting gigs, and a couple of attempts here at home are not looking positive in that regard. One friend's company who might have been interested just hired a bunch of folks. Another friend just downright blew me off yesterday. I sat at a Starbuck's for 40 minutes and called him twice. Never heard anything. I'm not going to push it.

I still have a couple of leads to chase down, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should...

No diabetes drugs OKed by doctor...

2004-08-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was a great day. What kicked off the day was my appointment with my endocrinologist. I now have the "go ahead" from the medical establishment to stay off drugs for blood sugar control.

My HbA1C was 6.2! (The threshold to manage against is usually 7.0). Considering that it was >11 about a year ago, I'm quite pleased that I was able to get it down to "acceptable" levels without drugs and without weight loss. I am becoming a true believer in the power of will and meditation.

On a separate note, I think that quitting my job and going for the time so far can be cost-justified. If someone told me that I could "pay" $25,000 to $50,000 to stay off drugs, I would have paid that in a hearbeat!

Anyway, now that I've started to get the blood sugar under control, I need to work on the LDL problem. My HDL's are good (55), and my trigylcerides are good (106). However, total cholesterol is 255, which puts my LDL at close to 180. The doctor doesn't believe that I can get the LDL down without drugs. Let's see how that goes.

The first question I'm going to have to ask though is whether high LDL is even a problem. I've read some articles to suggest that LDL's themselves are not a problem (http://www.thincs.org/).

Then, once determining it is in fact a problem, the question is how to best lower it. Statins are not the only way. Soluble fiber and niacin have both been cited as ways to lower cholesterol. (http://my.webmd.com/content/article/78/95767.htm).

Anyway, I remain optimistic that I'm going to lick these metabolic issues without drugs...

House not sold yet...

2004-08-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

Our house has now been on the market three months and still hasn't sold.

August, surprisingly, has generated a lot of showings, but still no offers. Just as we were heading home, there was an interested in party who lives in Bellingham (about 90 miles away) that wanted to write a lowball offer, but our real estate agent has heard nothing back.

There's going to be another open house at our home tomorrow.

At the same time, my wife has begun losing interest in the lot on "The Street" as she fears a very high cost. Still, that lot remains available, and we need to hear back from the City of Bellevue. She will chase this down on Monday.

I am not certain at this point whether her hesitation on the lot has more to do with my ongoing unemployment (and therefore lack of income at present) or some other driving force. I'm going to have to investigate this more with her and also get more introspective on whether this is the direction that really feels right to me...

Still enjoying the bliss of the present...

2004-08-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick entry to note the observation that I didn't stay faithful to blogging or to reading anything during my vacation. I made no progress on the yoga front. That said, I am focusing on where I am, not where I am trying to be...

I'm very much enjoying the bliss of the present, and I'm still so happy not only that I got to take the vacation but that my whole family had such a good time. My daughters will never be 6½ and 4 years old again, and I'm pleased that I'm taking the time to enjoy life before I retire... The ends don't justify the means, and living outside of how you want to live today for the promise of tomorrow is analogous to religious zealots who kill to further their own "religious" causes.

I'm also quite pleased that driving was not at all painful. I used to get frustrated driving from the San Francisco Bay Area to Lake Tahoe, and now I don't seem to mind at all. I think I'm getting much better at enjoying the journey and not just the destination.

I was also quite pleased with more appreciation of "universal love." During the bachelor party, one of the people I met was actually quite socially abrasive. That said, I think I was able to look beyond that better than I would have before to really see someone with unique insights and a great deal of intelligence. While I still don't agree with many of his views, I somehow now have better perspective to enjoy and appreciate those differences.

These things are all very subtle, but are becoming increasingly important to me...

Returning home and stress?

2004-08-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

I checked by blood sugar the morning after returning. 171. The highest fasting reading I've taken in a long time.

My wife had heartburn last night...

Are we stressed?

The prospect of returning has certainly made me think more about what I am going to do going forward. So far, I've made calls regarding my photo kiosk opportunity and done some more work on setting up my LLC. So far, I continue to take things one day at a time.

I've set up chiropractic appointments for every day next week to see if I can improve the neurological interactions of my endocrine system. I also returned home to find out that I gained about 15 lbs. while on vacation, so I'm going to start running again just to take off pounds.

Lottery streak is still alive...

2004-08-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

OK, so I bought a California Super Lotto ticket when I was in Barstow, CA, and I ended up matching one number (39) in the drawing. I'm now not sure how many lottery tickets I've purchased so far (at least 5), but I do know (knock on wood) that I have ) matched at least one number on every ticket I have purchased.

I am wondering whether meditating and practicing psi exercises contribute to a slight beating of probability. While I don't necessarily think I'll be able to overcome 1 in 135 milion odds to win the mega millions, I am wondering if there's a way to better capitalize on a slight "edge..." J

I've never been a gambler, but I'm wondering if there's a way to experiment. I am thinking the best game to do this would be craps because each roll of the dice is truly an independent event. Unfortunately, video poker and slots are predetermined by formulas in so-called random number generators which are actually deterministic based on their initial conditions. The outcome of card games like BlackJack is determined by the shuffle.

I didn't gamble at all in Vegas, but I did gamble before leaving Seven Feathers. I lost $12.50 in video poker before quitting and I won $30.50 in blackjack to net $18.00. The craps tables were closed the morning we left, so I didn't get a chance to try it out...

Closing off details on the rest of the trip...

2004-08-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

The last time I wrote was from Disneyland. I am now sitting at home since returning yesterday to recap the "highlights" of the trip.

Here were the highlights since my last entry:

Legoland California in Carlsbad, CA. This was a great time. I especially appreciated the interactivity of the attractions. After sitting through passive displays at Disneyland, I think the kids were ready to get up and do things. The Volvo driving school was fun because the kids actually freely controlled cars unlike the Autopia at Disneyland. My younger daughter especially liked the Kid Power Tower which involved a power-assisted rope climb and drop; my older daughter refused to go on it. Personally, I liked the Hideaways, which was probably the best rope play structure I've ever seen - again much better than the Disney California Adventure counterpart (Redwood Creek Challenge Trail). The kids spent quite a bit of time at the Playtown there, too, which was just a better version of the play structures at local parks... This was a nice break.

(Also, thanks to our Southern California friends for letting us know that Legoland tickets can be purchased in advance at local Costco locations for about $10 off the price at the ticket booth!)
Seaworld in San Diego, CA. It will be hard for me to objectively chronicle this experience. I felt "drained" most of the day despite the very impressive training of the animals. In hindsight, I wonder if my energy drain was related to the nature of what Seaworld represents. Animals are not there under free will and must perform to eat.

On a strictly more logistical level, Seaworld is very show-oriented and there is less to "explore" than other theme parks. Our kids enjoyed feeding the dolphins. The whale, dolphin, and sea otter shows did not disappoint, and even the pet show featuring dogs, cats, birds, and pigs was impressive.

(Cost tip is to purchase tickets online in advance on the Southwest Rapid Rewards Web site for a 20% discount...)
Hyatt Lake Las Vegas Resort in Henderson, NV. Lake Las Vegas is a man-made lake surrounded by a golf course, condominiums, and nice hotel resort properties. The Hyatt is a very family-friendly place with great swimming pools, a small beach, and even a sport court. My kids had a great time, and even asked that we stay longer.

The reason for the Las Vegas stop was that I had been invited to a bachelor party of a friend getting married in October. I dropped the family off in Henderson while playing with "the boys" on The Strip. I dropped the family off Friday night and returned Sunday afternoon. I got to enjoy Sunday evening, all day Monday, and Tuesday morning at the nice resort.

From there, we essentially headed home, stopping in both Sacramento, CA and in Canyonville, OR (a return pilgrimage to Seven Feathers on the request of my kids...)

Overall, we were gone just shy of four weeks and spent about $8,000. This was totally worth it!

Reminder not to spoil my older daughter's gift...

2004-08-09T19:53:00.003-07:00

My older daughter is uncomfortable with "scary" rides (both in content and in motion). She inherited her tentativeness about motion thrill rides from me.

However, she was also uncomfortable with Honey, I Shrunk the Audience and Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin primarily because of their content. As such, she has wanted to stay away from both Pinnochio's ride as well as Snow White's ride at Disneyland. She was even a bit tentative about Fantasmic. On the one hand, one could view her fears at age 6 1/2 as something abnormal. That said, given how desensitized kids are to violence and aggression today, I would very much not like to spoil what parents often take away from children.

Disney has some downright scary characters - Snow White's evil stepmother, Malificent from Sleeping Beauty, and even Ursula from The Little Mermaid. I've written in this blog before about how I think my older daughter has the gift of a high level of consciousness, and somehow I think it's part of my role to recognize that and not spoil it.

In Hawkins' book, he refers to how rap music and Heavy Metal have been shown to lower levels of consciousness. I used to enjoy rap, and upon returning the Bay Area, I enjoyed listening to it. That said, I could almost feel myself slipping back to my old ways seeing old friends, driving old highways, and listening to the music I used to listen to. I thought a good start to keeping perspective was to stay away from the rap music which I managed to do except for one night with friends at a Happy Hour that went until the wee hours in the morning...

While I don't want to force my older daughter to be puritanical, I also don't want to be the one to spoil her own innate desires either. She herself is trying her hardest to stay away from the negativity. Perhaps she knows something we do not.

Different view of Disneyland...

2004-08-09T19:53:00.002-07:00

Without scary rides and thrill rides, I've found a new way to enjoy Disneyland. Some examples:

The shows! The Aladdin musical was downright awesome when we saw it Thursday. Today (Monday), we saw it and the Genie and Aladdin were played by different people. Still, the music is great, the Robin Williams-inspired humor of the Genie character is funny, and the sets were practically Broadway quality. The Buzz Lightyear show featuring "Starla" was a great musical review, and for an outdoor play, even the Snow White musical wasn't bad. The Improv comedy group DUH was hilarious. I even enjoyed being on the mock stage of Playhouse Disney. The only shows to disappoint were the shows with Flik & Princess Atta and the Animators show at California Adventure.
The characters. Running around with the kids and their autograph books collecting autographs and photos with characters was akin to trading baseball cards. The kids have already filled up one book and made some good progress into book #2. How funny! We were disappointed though that we couldn't get Sully's autograph when we saw him go by. We also never got to see Mike Wazowski also of Monsters Inc fame. Bummer...
The kiddie attractions. There are some really nice ones. I'm not sure I'd been on Peter Pan's ride before. Also, I liked how the Dumbo ride let the kids control it. Disney has also done a lot more stuff that is interactive - like Goofy's Bounce House, the obstacle course, etc. Gadget's Go Coaster, which is my younger daughter's favorite, is also a pretty decent ride (although extremely short...)

What I'm amazed about is that you can do a whole day at Disney doing the grown-up thing - Star Tours, Splash Mountain, Matterhorn, Indiana Jones, etc., and you can also spend a whole day completely avoiding that stuff... Before this trip, I don't think I ever realized that firsthand.

Healing for my daughter...

2004-08-09T19:53:00.001-07:00

Today, my younger daughter had an accident that was largely my fault.

At Disney's California Adventure, there is an obstacle course that has suspension bridges. I was playing with my daughters jumping up and down violently on the suspension bridge. My younger one lost her balance, fell, and got a bloody lip. It was bleeding pretty profusely, and we did get the bleeding to stop. She was later in good enough spirits to want to ride the Soaring over California Ride, and we even saw Aladdin. After Aladdin, she complained about a "cut" which was really a huge splinter. We then got some soft serve ice cream (swirled with flavorings!), and she complained about her teeth. An hour later, there was still blood around her tooth, and it was definitely loose.

I am hoping that the tooth just resets itself without abscessing. When my older daughter was 2 years old, she had an accident that forced us to have one of her front teeth extracted.

I should have known better than to play so rough with a four year old. It's hard to judge with this one because she normally likes to test the limits. For example, when I swing her on the swingsets, she just wants me to keep pushing harder and harder until she's practically falling out of the seats. That said, I had a warning yesterday at the same part of the Calfirona Adventure park. There was a zip line there, and I just pushed her down it fast. Se fell off when it stopped. Even though she just got up, I could tell there was hesitance on her part to do it again (which she later did a couple of times).

My wife was also pretty upset at me both yesterday and today for not exercising good judgement. Today, I snapped at her as I was working with my daughter to stop the bleeding on her lip. While I later apologized to my wife for snapping at her, the reality is that I know she was right.

The family is asleep right now napping after a late night at the Disneyland resort watching the electric light parade, Fantasmic, and doing one more round of It's a Small World. I haven't been sleeping - just reflecting a bit while doing other things - Quicken, photo editing, and now blogging. On the walk back from the park to our hotel this afternoon, I was trying to feel the consciousness of the trees and plants and even of the other people in the park. Interestingly, I thought I "connected" with one grey-haired older gentleman at the end of the shuttle parking lot. He smiled at me almost knowingly as I passed him. I have been trying to focus my soul energy on detoxification and cleansing for my daughter's mouth area so that her wound heals and does not get infected. I have also been trying to tap other consciousness to help us. In addition ot trying to exercise my "third eye," I have also noticed that I was feeling a sensation above my ears as the song "Be My Guest" from the Disney's Sleeping Beauty was running through my head.

I have been trying to think about whether Disney would be a negative attractor force because of its commercial machinery or a positive attractor force because of the collective energy of the children who love it. I decided on the latter... This is perhaps why I was hearing that Disney song in my head. It could also be because I am hearing these songs so often in a 5 day theme park visit! :) More on this later.

Warm weather?

2004-08-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

OK, so my blood sugar the last three mornings has been 130, 138, and 137. These are low considering that I've totally fallen off the wagon on diabetes management this trip. While not as dramatic as the results I got on my Hawaii vacation, I am very much beginning to wonder if my body is just happier in warmer weather.

My wife is wondering if it's being on vacation, and she has suggested vacationing in a colder climate. :)

I'm not sure. One thing that I do notice is that I'm much less uncomfortable in the heat now than when I was in my twenties... Honestly, I feel kind of happy in the heat (80's to 90's here in Southern California...)

Steve

Notes from the Bay Area...

2004-08-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday morning, and we arrived here Thursday night. Overall, we've been having a good time so far. I've gotten to see some old co-workers (primarily from a job I had three years ago) and one close friend from MIT. Quick thoughts...

Jaded about work world

I still feel quite jaded about the work world basd on interactions we've had so far. My MIT friend's company is going through a pretty major "reorganization." While budgets weren't being cut and there weren't reductions, per se, they expect some attrition because of skills mismatch and general malaise. Two people that used to work for me now work at Cisco and Lucent, and the descriptions both of the apathy and the corporate "process" entertained me. Another works for a high tech startup now with a very negative corporate culture. The company is now on its third VP of marketing, and this particular guy is viewed as a part of the "old regime" that no one has time for. Even my friend who works for Google - the company written as a paragon of culture in the press - is looking to leave after the IPO. My former boss is heading up a company now that seems to face some early challenges, but he's doing a good job looking at the glass "half full" by looking at easy opportunities to make a difference.

My former boss did tell me that if we moved back down, he'd get me an offer in about 15 minutes. The husband of one of my former employee's is the CEO now of a hot startup, and he has also expressed some interest in growing his team to prepare for an IPO. Unfortunately, neither of them at this point are looking for me to help them with "hillwork" but rather to be a member of their staffs. It is unlikely that I would move back here though to take on this type of assignment.

Specificity of the workforce

There is another interesting thing that came from those conversations, and that is that while I'm "employable," it's not necessarily for any specific skill anyone remembers me for but rather that I'm a good guy to have around for other reasons (leadership, fun, etc.) Good for an employee, not good for a consultant.

I had lunch with a former coworker who actually did do consulting. He told me that his strategy for consulting gigs was to look for the "living dead" and sought a full-time opportunity when the nuclear winter in the Bay Area began to thaw. He provided the data point that while the "gross" was about 25% lower than his former Lucent salary, his net was more because of all the writeoffs. His problem was that he was a bit of a generalist without specific consulting expertise (like security consulting) and saw that consulting wasn't going to be a good long-term opportunity for him as a generalist. Another colleague of mine left the consulting world. Her current company actually hired a product marketing consultant who did do some "hillwork" evaluating a new market, but actually got started because some very specific consulting expertise on the wireless side.

I have a friend who called me from Seattle to tell me about his woes in finding a job at Microsoft. The reality is that he has found that the workforce is getting very "specific" now with very little need for generalists. Interesting...

Jaded a bit about the Bay Area

It's kind of odd, but despite the great weather here, I think the place is kind of depressing (at least the Peninsula is). Much of the Peninsula is getting very old and dated. Businesses seem to flip. Housing prices have gotten even more stupid than they were when we left three years ago. Our friends from Seattle that moved back down here were looking at an 1100 square foot, 3 bedroom, 1 bath home in Menlo Park that listed for $849,000 and ultimately went for over $1 million. How stupid!

I've heard that the East Bay is perhaps a bit better - not necessarily because the homes are cheaper but rather that they are just better for the same amount of money.

Also, I've been told that the materialism is scaling back here with more of a return to lifestyle and family as a priority. It's hard for me to observe that in this short visit, though.

Observation - Is my older daughter getting more "brave?"

Historically, my older daughter has been the one who has been more reticent for "thrill seeking" rides. She even doesn't like swings. My younger daughter, on the other hand, will swing as high as I can push her and just laugh.

My wife and kids went with friends to the Menlo Circus Club together and had a great time swimming. They have a daughter the same age as my older daughter and another daughter one year older than my younger daughter. Spending the day together made my younger daughter want to learn to swim even more! My older daughter is really getting into diving boards! (She did her first with another friend of ours at home at Edgebrook almost immediately before our trip.)

As a family, we also got to go to Happy Hollow. We went with a former coworker and his two older daughters (his youngest daughter who is closer in age to my kids was at a sleepover). It was nice to see how their 11 year old was so caring of my younger daughter. It was also interesting to note how much by older daughter liked "following" the bigger kids - she actually referred to them as "grown ups." Overall, Happy Hollow is targeted at kids much younger than my former coworker's kids but they were incredibly good sports. Amazingly, my younger daughter was a bit afraid to go on the big slides. (It was something we saw too at Enchanted Forest, but we assumed it was because she was tired...) Normally, it's my younger one that's the thrill seeker and my older one that is more conservative. Maybe this trend is reversing... I guess we'll see at Disneyland!

Finishing while at Disneyland on Saturday...

Don't chronicle it; just enjoy it

I had a phone conversation with a friend from the Bay Area who periodically takes significant sabbaticals in his career. He's gone to Italy, to Maui, and to live in Sonoma. With significant experience in taking sabbaticals, he's given me both the advice that I should really enjoy the time and that there's no need to distract from enjoying the time by chronicling it. The other thing he told me is that it won't be hard to jump back into the fray when I want to. He's done it several times. He also told me about another former coworker who is also took the summer off after his consulting gig at Cisco expired, and he's taking the family on a driving trip to Michigan.

A teacher?

My breakfast with a former coworker brought forward an interesting prediction. Because of her problems with her husband's heart (mysterious - the guy was in terrific shape!), she's in a very similar situation to me. She told me about the "standard protocol" and the need for doctors to follow it to avoid malpractice suits. While every doctor has different levels of tolerance to deviate from standard protocol, you will hit a limit.

The other thing she told me was that there will be many whom I've visited on this trip who have known me at different stages of my career, and many will remember this period in my life years to come and use it as an example. I thought that was an interesting prediction... Maybe even one I agree with.

Notes from Northern California written ex post facto

2004-07-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

Still catching up...

Day 5 - McKinleyville to Fort Bragg

The Holiday Inn Express in McKinleyville had a very warm swimming pool. On this day, though, I got to skip the main pool session as I was creating the first drop of our post cards. The Holiday Inn Express had a free continental breakfast (which I could not partake in because of the lack of low carb foods). I did end up watching a small pool session while my wife was showering because my younger daughter wanted to show me how she could jump in the pool and swim back to the side by herself with no help.

We visited the Sequoia Park Zoo in Eureka, CA that morning. It is very well done with flowers in the front, very nice displays, and a petting zoo. Admission is free, but we paid the "recommended" donation of $5 for the four of us. Overall, it was a very nice community park. The kids had fun!

Later, in Leggett, CA, we visited the Chandelier Tree in the Drive-Thru Tree Park. That constituted the highlight of the trip for my wife! (I was too gun-shy to drive through the tree myself, as I'd had that mishap with her van in my garage right before leaving...)

From Leggett, CA, the drive to Fort Bragg involves a windy drive down US-1. My older daughter got car sick (probably in part due to watching the DVD player with a 5" screen...)

We ended up eating at the North Coast Brewing Company that night. The food was good. I'm not sure I can evaluate the beer. I had a 10-sampler of the different beers, and I couldn't even finish them.

We stayed at the Ocean View Lodge. The place looks kind of like a dump from the outside, but the rooms are nice and they all truly do have 180 degree ocean views. The other bonus was that the set up was almost like two rooms, so my wife and I got to sleep somewhat separately from the kids that night.

The downside was that the kids were goofing around, and my younger daughter got a bloody nose that night. My wife did wake me up, and I applied some direct pressure to stop the bleeding. My daughter was fine, but blood got everywhere.

Day 6 - Fort Bragg to the Bay Area

The day was actually pretty uneventful. We got up, went to Denny's, filled up on gas, and started the journey. We made one stop at Brutocao Cellars to buy some gifts for people in the Bay Area and at home. Then, we went straight into Sausalito, under 101, and up to the Marin headlands where we took some pictures with the Golden Gate bridge as a backdrop. We paid the $5 to drive across the Golden Gate Bridge and then took 101 down into the Bay Area to set up "house" for the next 5 days or so...

Our house while we were gone...

2004-07-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

There was one interested party that got very serious while we were gone. We still haven't gotten an offer yet, though.

The two concerns were:

Whether they could build a fence in our backyard to maintain privacy.
Our LP siding.

Things were kind of hot for a while with calls happening to our cell phones by the buyer's real estate agent while we were in Oregon. Since then, things have been kind of dead...

Lottery tickets and Keno...

2004-07-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

OK, so we're still somewhat defying probability...

I bought a mega millions ticket on 7/24 for the recent drawing. I had my older daughter think about the numbers... 10 12 15 34 51 44. We matched 10 (the day of my wife's birthday!), as the drawn numbers were 8, 10, 11, 13, 24, 46. I still have continued a streak of matching at least one number on every lottery ticket that I've purchased.

Also, I had my daughters pick keno numbers when we were at Seven Feathers. The way it works is that there are eighty numbers, of which 20 are selected. Then, there are many games to play. I had my daughters pick 5 numbers. Each of them played twice, and once each of them matched 3 numbers getting their money back. I've got to believe that defies probability, but I haven't calculated the odds yet.

The other thing that was interesting was that I thought of playing just one number (my birthday - 17), and during both of those games, the number 17 was drawn (which would have paid out 3:1). I didn't do it, though, as I was more interested in what the kids could do.

Notes from Oregon written ex post facto

2004-07-31T06:59:00.000-07:00

I'm still at the Hilton Garden Inn lobby the morning of 7/31 writing this while my family sleeps.

Oregon was such a great time. We had many "mini vacations" in one - actually a little of everything. Here were the highlights:

Outlet shopping at the Woodburn Company Stores
An amusement park - Enchanted Forest in Salem, OR
A post resort - The Salishan Resort on the Oregon Coast
Marine life attractions - The Oregon Coast Aquarium and Sea Lion Caves
A casino - Seven Feathers
Natural beauty - Crater Lake

Day 1 - Woodburn

The drive to Woodburn was relatively uneventful. We had a lot of traffic in Renton and in Tacoma, and it was pretty clear. I was advised by the reservations agent at the Salishan to bypass Portland by taking I-205 around Portland. While it didn't necessarily look like a shortcut on the map, we blazed right through. My wife and I took the mental note that we had to remember to come back up I-205 when we return!

By the time we got to Woodburn, the kids were hungry. After doing a bit of surveying, we decided to let the kids eat at McDonald's. I tried the new Fiesta salad - it was good (not low carb, but tasty). The kids had Big Kids meals with some really cool little Beanie Baby toys. We thought we might collect these toys up and down the coast! The McDonald's in Woodburn had a play are that our kids wanted to play on. However, the rules required that kids wear socks, and our kids were wearing their slip-on sandals with no socks. We promised them instead that we'd play at the hotel swimming pool after we went shopping.

The Woodburn Company stores were very good, but other than some underwear I bought at Jockey, we didn't take advantage of having no sales tax in Oregon. There were some good stores - Polo, Tommy Hilfiger, Cole Haan, Banana Republic, et al. The issue was that they were still clearing summer fashions, and we have actually been doing a bit of shopping this summer while I've been unemployed. My wife got tired of being an "out" mom, so she's been updating her wardrobe as of late...

Because we were headed out to the Coast, we chose to stay in Salem, OR, where highway 22 takes you West. We stayed at the Holiday Inn Express there, which was right behind a Costco. The swimming pool was on the first floor, and seemed a bit claustrophobic. That said, the kids didn't care, and they had a fun time in the pool. We were there with a family (Mormon?) that had six kids - five of which were girls!

The hotel had a 10% off deal with the Applebee's at the Lancaster Mall. They'd made special room keys. I decided I like Applebee's. The kids loved the pasta with marinara sauce, my wife enjoyed the veggie patch pizza, and my barbeque chicken salad wasn't bad either. The meal was also very reasonably priced.

On the way to Applebee's, we noticed that there was a Residence Inn in Salem. It looks like a better hotel than the Holiday Inn Express. I'll keep this as a mental note in case we ever return to Salem.

Day 2 - Enchanted Forest and the Beach

On Day 2, we got up, ate a breakfast at Denny's, and head over to Enchanted Forest. It was a storybook land with kiddie rides. The place was very well done with not only displays but also many little buildings and caverns for the kids to explore. My younger daughter started getting a bit scared by some of the dark places, but I also suspected she was getting a bit tired. My older daughter loved the slides they constructed and took multiple trips down the slides.

In addition to the general admission fee, we also had to pay 75 cents per ticket, and we burned through 36 tickets for kid rides. The favorites:

Kid bumper boats - we hadn't seen these before. The kids for the most part did donuts and didn't figure out how to really get them to go where they wanted to, but I think they enjoyed floating on the water
Kid ferris wheel - this is like the ride at Remlinger Farms near home
Frog Hopper - this is the favorite ride of my younger daughter, and she's done this at Wild Waves near home. My older daughter won't ride this...
Bumper cars. Unfortunately, my younger daughter wasn't tall enough to do the bumper cars, so I did this with my older daughter twice. I probably had even more fun than she did. The cars were circular, and they were controlled by two levers. To turn left, you pull the left lever backward and push the right lever forward. To turn right, you pull the right lever backward and push the left lever forward. To move forward, you push both forward, and to reverse, you pull both backward. The backward motion is much faster than the forward motion, so the best bumper action is to reverse into your prey!

All fun times!

From Enchanted Forest, we decided to return to Applebee's for lunch. My wife wanted the Veggie Patch pizza again, my kids wanted the pasta marinara again, and I decided to try the Bourbon Street steak (which was too salty for me...)

The kids also suggested the strong move of going to Cold Stone Creamery nearby where I probably had the best dish of ice cream I've ever had in the United States. I had a peanut butter ice cream with crushed almonds. Cold Stone's peanut butter ice cream rocks!

Our server at Cold Stone Creamery was a super nice guy, too. He was very friendly, and we found out that he's going to go to Cornish next year in Seattle.

The drive to the Coast from Salem isn't bad at all. Our hotel room at the Salishan lodge wasn't ready when we arrived. (Check in time is 3pm, and we arrived by around 2:40pm). We decided to down to the beach access, which is a short walk along a "nature trail." Prior to taking the walk, I had to use the bathroom, so my wife and kids perused a toy store where we purchased a kite for the beach and some souveneirs (key chains that they can put on their school backpacks).

A note on the kite. There were two kites that were affordable - a 6 foot "shark" kite that I thought was really cool, and a lower priced stunt kite. My wife thought the shark kite was cool, but too big, so I bought the cheaper stunt kite. Unfortunately, I haven't watched the DVD that came with the kite yet, and I still can't really figure out how to fly it...

The beach was great. It was empty with the exception of one other family as far as we can see. That section of beach is private to a residential area with access to the resort. It's a good thing that there weren't other people around. I couldn't ever get the stunt kite to stay in the air, but I did get it to almost spear my younger daughter. The thing dives really fast!

The food at the Salishan is great! They do a great job deep-frying - the kid's chicken strips and fries were awesome. My wife and I ended up sharing a couple of appetizers - an order of spicy chicken wings and seared ahi. I had a salad, too, which wasn't that great. For breakfast the next morning, I had steak and eggs. Also solid...

The Internet access at the Salishan is a bit weak. There are public terminals that you can use for free, but the access is slow. There is also in-room service for $5.95 (which I used), and it was weak as well...

The pool at the Salishan is great. It's a large pool with an area for kids; it also has an adjoining weight room that is very well equipped.

Continuing the night of 7/31 while my wife is shopping and my kids are asleep...

Day 3 - Marine Life and Arrival at Seven Feathers

We started Day 3 with our first session at the Salishan pool and ate breakfast there. We finally checked out of the hotel around 11:30am.

That morning, I asked around about whether Sea Lion Caves was worth a visit, and to my surprise, none of the hotel staff we'd spoken to had been to the caves. All reported that they heard the trip was good, but none had been there personally. Also, all of them thought that Florence was at least 2.5 to 3 hours away. (We got there in probably less than 1.5 hours...) While I was surprised at first, I also must admit that I haven't been to any of the places highlighted in the AAA book for my own suburban home town...

We purchased the Oregon Coast Aquarium tickets in advance at our hotel. The place is very well done. In addition to the animals themselves, there were also a number of educational exhibits. The seasonal exhibit was about bats, and while they didn't have many bats, there was a lot of information there about bats in the displays which we didn't get to enjoy because our kids moved us right through the aquarium. The same is true of the more permanent exhibits there. I'd like to return when the kids are older. The one thing I did note also is that the aquarium is really set up as an outdoor venue. The place would be a bit miserable during inclement weather.

Sea Lion Caves was quite a spectacle, but we didn't spend long there. For $19.50 admission for the four of us, we went down an elevator where we could see a cave through a relatively small portal that was home to about 75 sea lions. The cavern we were in had the stench of ocean life. There was also an outdoor sea lion lookout where we could see about a dozen sea lions. It was very windy there. After spending the admission fee, my wife was determined to buy something at the gift shop to prove we were really there but didn't even find anything that could inspire her.

On the way back to I-5 we stopped at BJ's ice cream in Florence, OR. The place was recommended to me both by someone I spoke with at the Salishan and a worker at Sea Lion Caves. The ice cream there was very very good (I liked the Peanut Butter & Chocolate), and we purchased some salt water taffy that was also quite impressive.

The drive to Seven Feathers was pretty straightforward from there. My older daughter picked Seven Feathers because of the picture of the swimming pool in the AAA guidebook. We were not disappointed by the pool.

We arrived on a Monday night, which was karaoke night. There was a young girl who sang from outside the bar, and she was very good - she had a beautiful voice (but at times slightly off key). The first two contestants for the $50 pot that night were also excellent. We didn't hear anymore because we had to eat dinner, but on the way back from dinner we heard someone that wasn't so great as we were passing by the bar. The winner of the night was to be invited back to compete for the $500 cash prize in the finals.

The food at Seven Feathers for dinner wasn't great. Not terrible, but not great either.

My older daughter was very disappointed that kids don't get to play video poker because she knows how to play 5-card draw...

Continuing on the theme of the locals not visiting tourist attractions, it turns out the concierge and a couple of people at the front desk had not been to Crater Lake. Wild!

Day 4 - Crater Lake

Day 4 started with a session at the pool and breakfast at Seven Feathers. Again, the food wasn't great, but I did "cheat" and sample both the girl's butterhorn and cinammon roll. Yum.

We got off to a late start, and drove to Crater Lake through Roseburg and across 138. We returned via 62 into Medford. We did about 1/3 of Rim Drive (from the North Entrance up by Diamond Lake exiting around Mazuma Village).

Crater Lake is BEAUTIFUL!

The other observation that I made is that on the way to Crater Lake I was a passenger. My wife offered to drive that morning, and I took her up on it given how much driving we were to do later in the day. On the way up to Crater Lake, I felt a bit of a sensation above my ears (the site of psychic hearing) as well as later on the top of my head (the site of psychic intuition). I would be very eager to return to Crater Lake and run psi experiments. I am wondering whether being in the presence of unadulterated nature may enhance levels of consciousness.

My younger daughter that day was a bit defiant. She had expressed at the beginning of the day that she didn't want to go to Crater Lake, and when we got there, she refused to take pictures with the family - even running away when we had a fellow tourist take a picture of our whole family. She refused to visit the gift shop at first as well. I offered to stay in the van with her while big sister and mom went ahead. I first shared a piece of her saltwater taffy with her and then later explained how this situation was similar to the story of Pig Will and Pig Won't (see Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book). Just as Pig Won't missed out on the all the fun at the boatyard, she might miss out on the fun at the Crater Lake gift shop. She then agreed to go join her big sister at the gift shop and she made a nice recovery!

The roads on Rim Drive are kind of scary. You could drive right off the cliffs with no guard rails or anything! I can see why Rim Drive is closed in the winter months.

Unfortunately, all the backroads driving from Crater Lake got me in the speeding mode. I accidentally kept the speed up through Shady Cove, OR, and I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. He was actually very nice though and let me off with a warning. I think he might have appreciated my situation with my van full of people and stuff.

After the police stop, I proceeded cautiously down to Medford, ate at McDonald's, and took a slight backtrack up I-5 to hit 199 (The Redwood Highway). From there, we skipped over The Oregon Caves (too late and my younger daughter is too small for the tour anyway), and we gunned it through the Redwoods past all the parks and even past the Paul Bunyan / Blue Ox statue in Klamath, CA. Our destination was McKinleyville, CA, where there was a three-diamond rated Holiday Inn Express. There isn't really much between the Redwoods and McKinleyville.

Anyway, that was Oregon!

Notes on leaving written ex post facto

2004-07-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been go-go-go. We're on our driving vacation now! I'm catching up here during a brief break in the action. The rest of the family is still asleep, and I'm typing this using the Wi-Fi connection from the Hilton Garden Inn in San Mateo.

Finalizing the date

Getting going on this trip was a slight challenge. We had some balls in the air with respect to the lot on The Street, but that wasn't really keeping us back. The biggest issue, I think, was getting my wife to get her arms around going now. The issue with a driving vacation and an open ended time schedule is that unlike with airplane reservations, you haven't committed. Interestingly, to get herself to commit, she told one of the moms at the bus stop when she was leaving on Saturday (the 24th), and that's what did it for her.

From my perspective, there were two parties to attend that we had given tentative RSVP's to on Saturday the 24th that we had to finalize - a birthday party of a former coworker's husband and an engagement party of a former coworker! I also felt that Saturday would be a good day because we'd get a weekend rate at the first hotel we wanted to stay at (which was a business hotel) and a weekday rate at the second place we wanted to stay (which was a resort!)

The scramble preparing to leave

There was a bit of a scramble getting everything ready to go, and we even had a punch list that included a trip to Costco, some house cleaning, laundry, retrieving items we were storing at my brother-in-law's place, submitting a predevelopment services form from the City of Bellevue about our lot on the street, returning a preliminary geotechnical study to the seller's real estate agent for the lot we were looking at, etc.

The day before we left, I finalized hotel reservations, with a lot of help from my older daughter. I had both my daughters pick their stuffed animals (my younger one picked "Lemon" - an orange and yellow teddy bear and my older one picked "Honu" - a stuffed Hawaiian turtle), their favorite game ("Junior Monopoly"), their favorite DVD's, and their favorite books. I filled two bins of stuff so we could just "chill" in the hotel rooms.

The night before leaving I was remarkably defocused. I spent a couple hours at a friend's house that I hadn't seen in a couple weeks. I had to return a key that he'd given me to watch his cats, and we ended up just chatting. Then, my wife and I chatted until late at night.

The "highlight" of the night though was that I somehow backed the van into the edge of our garage door opening and got it "stuck." I'm still not sure exactly how I got it wedged in so deeply. I ended up pushing on the side of the van to unwedge it while my wife pulled the van forward. I took so much paint off our house which ended up on the van. While I was able to just wash off most of the paint, there's still some traces of white "streaks" showing on the van.

Leaving

The next morning was yet another a mad dash scramble to get final packing done, the van loaded, the kids fed, and the house cleaned and ready to show while we're on vacation. We were targeting to leave the house around 10am and to drop off our mail key and my brother-in-law's house key with my mother-in-law. She had a "gambling date" with friends to go to Tulalip that day.

Our schedule got thrown off by a return call from a semi-retired builder/architect recommended by our real estate agent, and he was on the phone with my wife for a long time while I worked on remaining housecleaning tasks independently. What's funny is that he told her how he got out of building because he couldn't make any money doing it. He built on a lot of challenging lots, and he told her that we're better off buying a Chaffey home that's close to what we want than building custom. (Concern?)

Our first attempt at leaving was a false-start. While my wife had packed a fleece jacket, she had forgotten to pack a more lightweight jacket. At first, when she realized what she'd forgotten, she wanted to just keep going, but we ultimately decided to turn around.

We didn't end up getting to my mother-in-law's until perhaps 11:00am. My mother-in-law was actually quite sad to see us go. My wife thinks she was even a bit choked up. I wasn't sure - I thought she might have just been concerned for our safety. That said, my wife knows better.

We took a picture of the kids from my mother-in-law's house, and we were off!

Dream that I woke up to this morning

2004-07-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

The dream is set in the home I grew up in from ages 7-18. It's also a workplace. I am working out of the dining room, and a couple of colleagues (from two different jobs but who supported Chicago) are working in the small bedroom that was my sister's old bedroom. My parents are sleeping in the upstairs master bedroom.

I'm speaking at first with one of the guys about their desire to go to a tradeshow. During the dream, I'm questioning whether the time is really right. I also remember seeing an ad by Circuit City pitching home phone booth additions (like another room added to the house...) costing $1 million - complete with mortgage and financing options. I keep thinking this is a stupid idea.

I remember having to go to the bathroom then, and I pass through my parent's bedroom where they are sleeping to the master bathroom. (When we first moved to that house, my mom didn't let anyone use the hall bathroom because she wanted to make sure it was kept clean for guests. As such, we used to have to traverse through their bedroom to use their bathroom. This didn't last too long, and ultimately my parents moved to the downstairs master bedroom, my sister moved to the upstairs master bedroom, and I had to go through my sister's bedroom to go to the bathroom!)

When I approach the toilet to go to the bathroom, I realize that the toilet is flooding, and the valve is also flooding. I remember thinking that this is some kind of remote plumbing signal gone awry - kind of like a "spam" e-mail - from Circuit City trying to promote the home phone booth. Quickly, I grab one of my mom's super nice plush pink towels to stop the flooding from reaching the carpet of the master bedroom. Then, I wake up.

I'm not really sure what this means yet. This is the second bathroom / flooding dream that I've had, but the context seems very different. I'll think about this a bit.

Update of lot on "The Street"

2004-07-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

Concerns with the lot:

Very sloped lot. Some slopes are greater than 40% and may be very expensive to build on.
Wetlands? There's some ambiguity on a map we've seen showing that significant portions of the property are designated wetlands. That said, it may be a function of seeing a black-and-white version of the map. My wife's visit to the City of Bellevue revealed no wetlands issues.
Regulatory issues. With the slopes, the City may restrict what we can build on. Even if we're not restricted, we may have many approvals to go through.
Expense in getting utilities (e.g., water) stubbed at street. $7K here, $2K there, etc. And these don't even include getting all that from the street into the lot.

My wife's preliminary visit revealed though that in general this should be doable, but expensive. The person at the city office felt that the property should handle perhaps a 3,500 square foot print. The issue will be that because of the slopes, the home may need to be terraced.

Tomorrow, we will be discussing this with the real estate agent selling our home. We also need to work a strategy for how we will be working with the seller to get a price we want.

Mariners showing power

2004-07-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

Continuing on an earlier observation I made about how the youth of the Seattle Mariners this summer may return the team to power over force.

Bucky Jacobsen hit a walk-off home run - already his third in the big leagues.

The final out was made by Justin Leone, another rookie, at third base.

With some key changes, the Mariners again are showing "power," and things are going their way. The young guys are making even the older guys do well - example being Bret Boone's home run earlier in the game.

Perhaps the Mariner's turnaround at the second half is similar to the turnaround I need to make in diabetes and life management. Many of the pieces that I've been using in my diabetes and life management may come together with some strong sources of power. Just as Justin Leone or Bucky Jacobsen can make Raul Ibanez and Bret Boone step up, perhaps a few key new elements like chiropractic and supplemets can make my dietary and lifestyle changes stronger, too!

Tried a yoga tape today...

2004-07-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

So, one of the goals I had was to try a yoga tape. With the house being staged, there isn't really a great place for me to do the yoga, but I made do in the family room. Following the tape kicked my butt in like 40 minutes. The exhaustion isn't like a weight lifting or a running type of tired; perhaps part was mental, but there is definitely a huge physical component to it.

At first I felt a bit lame, but I need to recognize that I should celebrate where I'm at, not where I want to be. The VHS cassette cover also warned that this is an advanced tape and that beginners should not attempt all of the exercises. That said, perhaps they had more in mind than 40 minutes of a 2 hour tape! I'll work some more on it.

Purchased supplement program today...

2004-07-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I was measured by a biophotonic scanner intended to detect the presence and detection of cartenoids (antioxidant nutrients). The scale used by the manufacturer (Pharmanex) is called the "Body Defense Index." The range is from 1,500 to 73,000 with the average being at 19,000 and those reporting healthy diets of at six or more fruits or vegetables per day scoring 25,000 or higher.

I scored 26,000, which the rep said was very good for a diabetic. That said, the ideal scores should be 40,000 or higher. If my scores don't improve after two months on the supplements, I get my money back. I thought this was a very clever way to market vitamins.

So, I signed up. Let's see how this works.

Chiropractic appointment today...

2004-07-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I decided to visit a chiropractor down at the bottom of our hill. It turns out that there is a problem with my 6th, 7th, and 8th dorsals, as indicated on the Edgar Cayce Web site.

In the causation of diabetes is a disturbance of certain cerebrospinal centers which are associated with the sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth dorsal sympathetic ganglia. These "pressures in specific centers" of the nervous system give an impulse to the liver and pancreas primarily and apparently also to the spleen.

I have a mild case of scoliosis. I took a bunch of X-Rays, and I go back tomorrow with my wife to discuss my treatment options.

The chiropractor did tell me that she had an experience with a patient whose blood pressure and cholesterol returned to normal ranges after chiropractic treatment in conjunction with dietary and lifestyle changes.

Monday and Tuesday afternoon with the kids...

2004-07-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

On Monday, my wife had to take her mom to the hardware superstore to buy some insect spray so that my brother-in-law could get rid of a wasp nest on their house. I had Monday afternoon with the kids, and we had a good time playing indoors. Both the kids are very interested in playing poker and after playing some "real" poker (without chips, as the betting is still too challenging for my four year old), I introduced them to "video poker" on our Sony Playstation. After that, we had a fun-filled game of Junior Monopoly. Kind of an "inside play" day.

On Tuesday, my wife had to go to the City of Bellevue to gather more information from the City about our potential lot on "The Street" (more on this later...) Tuesday afternoon with the kids was also a good time, and we spent it outside. I took them to the track at the high school where I could run while they played in the long jump pit. They also ran around the track a few times, too. My older daughter did 4 laps, and my younger daughter did 3. The little one is actually fast. Trying desparately to keep up with her big sister, she ran a 3 minute lap - not bad for a four year old! We then went a park in a local neighborhood where my older daughter actually recognized a little girl from the last time she played there.

My older daughter told me last night that she really likes that I'm not working for the summer. I was happy to hear that.

Filed my certificate of formation for Hillwork Group, LLC

2004-07-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

By now the Washington State Secretary of State should have my Certificate of Formation for Hillwork Group, LLC. I completed the package on Monday, and it went in Tuesday's mail.

A lawyer friend helped created the Certificate of Formation as well as a single member LLC agreement that sets the rules for the company and ensures that I have clear established process for not comingling company and personal assets.

The cost for filing was $175, plus a $20 fee to expedite the process. I'm now on pins and needles waiting to hear back.

What was interesting was that I had to decide what address to put as the registered agent that would receive mailings from the state. Our house is on the market, so at first I was reluctant to use my home address. At the same time though, I'm not ready to invest in a "virtual office" solution, and I'm also not prepared to visit a post office box regularly to pick up mail.

We'll see how this goes!

Returning a favor... And a lesson?

2004-07-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

Am I chilling out in general, or am I just better solving other people's problems?

My wife's cousin is one of the people who is helping us to evaluate the property on "The Street." In return for the favor, I offered to help his wife with their home computer. While I was originally going to help with one (a Windows 95-based Sony VAIO), I ended up also offering to help with another, an HP Pavillion 7935 that went bad.

After taking a closer look (or should I say "listen"), I concluded after a misdiagnosis of a software problem, that the problem was really with a defective hard drive. A little bit of research on the drive itself showed that there was a class action lawsuit filed against Fujitsu, the manufacturer of the hard drive.

The details are actually in http://hddclassactionsettlement.com/. Here's the quotation:

The Settlement resolves claims made on behalf of certain individuals and entities residing, domiciled or located in the United States, who acquired or purchased in the United States for their own use and not for resale, any Fujitsu brand PB-15H hard disk drives (also referred to as the MPF3xxx-AH series of hard disk drives) and PB-16 hard disk drives (also referred to as the MPG3xxx series of hard disk drives), including all Fujitsu brand hard disk drive models bearing a model number composed of or starting with the sequence of MPF3102AH, MPF3153AH, MPF3204AH, MPG3102, MPG3153, MPT3204, MPG3307, or MPG3409, which may be followed by alphabetical character(s).

The hard drive is a Fujitsu MPG3409-AT.

I called Hewlett Packard about this. It turns out that up until December 2003, HP was replacing Fujitsu drives named in the lawsuit for free. Of course, the PC is now out of warranty, and the program has expired. (Details at http://www.hp.com/support/hdreplacement.) HP has advised me that it is now up to the consumers to purchase their own hard drive replacements.

In addition, because my wife's cousin lost the recovery disks containing both the operating system and applications that came with your computer, I had to order replacements from HP. The cost was $13.

The lawsuit claims to reimburse the consumers for replacing a hard drive and for data recovery services. Here are the details from http://www.hddclassactionsettlement.com/faq.php3:

For most claims, you will receive up to a maximum of $45 per hard disk drive or the actual expense incurred for replacing the hard disk drive, whichever is less. For claims relating to data recovery services, you will receive up to a maximum of $1,200 per hard disk drive or the actual expense incurred, whichever is less.

Just a bit of learning for the day. What's interesting here is that when it's not my own PC, I don't mind doing this kind of troubleshooting. I have just been rolling with the punches calling HP support, buying a new hard drive, installing the operating system, applying fixes, etc. For some reason, when it's my own PC, I get very frustrated and uptight. Interesting...

Perhaps this is a clue that consulting might be better for my temperament than growing a company myself... Or, it could just mean that after six weeks of unemployment, I am just more relaxed in general.

Continuing to need to focus on the bliss of the present...

2004-07-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'm still having a hard time personally living "day by day."

I just was raising my voice at my wife just now for no apparent reason. The issue was regarding when we were leaving on our vacation and when we were going to hear back from our friends that are helping us evaluate the property on "The Street."

I wasn't questioning any of the decisions being made, but somehow my frustration with not knowing when we're going to move on with "plans" was starting to get to me.

The reality is that I know that I shouldn't worry about the future or "plans." It just remains hard to apply these teachings sometimes because the ego gets in the way. Now I understand the statement that one of my former coworkers had about "separating my consciousness from my egoistic mind." This is the battle that I am still fighting.

My attempt at a recap of the last 6 weeks...

2004-07-18T17:29:00.000-07:00

OK, here's where I'm at after 6 weeks. While to the reader this may not seem like a lot, I certainly think that what I'm about to summarize below was worth 6 weeks in "lost wages."

Career:

Working for "The Man" is not what I want to do.
Working independently definitely has some appeal to me.
My wife and I are looking at three different things on the "logistics of life" in the short term

a photo kiosk business (PhotoMaestro). I have already bought the first kiosk and am looking to place it.
a consulting practice (Hillwork). I haven't done much to actually sign any real clients yet, but I'm in no hurry to do so. I want to hang out for the rest of the summer.
an arts & crafts business for my wife. She sort of initiated this on her own.

Longer term, it's foggier to me, but I'm less concerned. I am learning not to worry about the past or future and to better enjoy the bliss of the present.

Home:

Our home is still on the market, but I am less stressed about this now. While I definitely don't prefer living life knowing that someone could make an appointment to see our house at any time, I also now am comfortable that the right things in our control are happening and that the outcome will be determined more by the energy forces in the Universe rather than any apparent lack of marketing or competence by our real estate agent.
We are looking at potentially building a home on "The Street." I have written before about how I got such a good feeling about this, and that feeling persists despite some otherwise poor early returns on potential construction challenges. If it's economically feasible, I think we could be happy there.
We are also comfortable with the idea of living in a rental property short term. Candidly, this remains something that I'm actually looking forward to.

Personal growth:

I have been reading books and doing a lot of introspection. While I haven't completely eliminated the concept of doing further academic study in psychology, this idea has lost momentum with me. It's almost as if I have less desire to "know about" than just to "know." I think my own development might actually be constrained by "thinking too much." I think my diabetes management is also suffering from the same problem.
I'd give myself a C+ on the regularity and intensity of my meditation program.
My psychic development piece probably gets a C-. I want to spend more energy here, as I have definitely been getting signals that I'd like to be able to "listen" to more accurately. One of these is about the feeling I have about "The Street."
I have a new respect for history and the "collective unconscious." I think that deep within us all, we know what we're supposed to be doing. I am glad to be in the process of "awakening."
I'm definitely feeling better about life in general. My daughters have been very affectionate as of late, too. I think they like having dad at home.

Diabetes management:

I have certainly experimented with techniques that seem to help in the short-term. That said, this morning, my waking blood sugar was 161. I think there are enough secondary phenomena that are forcing a return to a "set point." Admittedly, I haven't been living with as much discipline as I have been in the past, so I'm probably "getting away" with more. Still, the results are nothing to jump up and down about.
What the spiritual teachings are perhaps telling me now more than anything is that I need to stop thinking so logically about what's going to get the blood sugar down. This is the same kind of thought process that the medical community has struggled with, and it's a different kind of "force." Where consciousness gets constrained is based on the limitations of human logic and science. For example, it can't be easily explained how monks can control otherwise "autonomic functions" (such as their skin temperature) by will. Similarly, as I seek to control my blood sugar, I believe I need to stop "knowing about" all the different foods, supplements, techniques, etc., and I need to "know" my body.

Summary of unemployment, week 6

2004-07-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's been 6 weeks already... Amazing.

Main accomplishments:

Met with accountant
Visited NID in Florida and purchased the first machine
Met with first PV location again
Completed What Jung Really Said
Started reading The Eye of the I

I started working on the itinerary for our trip down the coast, but we have decided to postpone it. I have already cancelled the reservations that I'd made before.

The Debut...

2004-07-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

I rented a DVD called The Debut. I really enjoyed it. It's a film that spawned from the thesis project of a Filipino-American film student about the Filipino-American experience. It took him something like 8 years to get this film out.

One interesting "marker" indicating how long this film really took was that there was a scene where teenagers were checking their pagers. No one would have a numeric pager today!

While the specifics of the story didn't quite hit home (I wasn't raised in a blue collar family of a postal worker; I was in a suburb far away from the whole modified car and Asian-American gang scene; etc.), I did enjoy the human elements that I think apply across the Asian-American experience.

I also enjoyed the DVD features highlighting the struggles to write, produce, and release the film. The movie ultimately received critical acclaim, and I appreciate the efforts that these people took to be heard. I'm making a mental note of these struggles as a motivator if things start looking bleak for me personally when trying to be heard.

Fragments of dreams that I can remember...

2004-07-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I can't remember everything from last night's dreams. Here are some key elements:

A Latin friend of mine (from Puerto Rico/Florida) from college is upset with me, and I am somewhat puzzled. I sincerely am supportive of his desires to lead, but I am frustrated with the direction he is taking. Several people he is leading have tried to confide in me and seek advice about what to do with him, but I'm in a difficult situation. I have been communicating my concerns to my friend via e-mail, but he seems to be receiving the e-mails a day late. He is upset about an e-mail I sent because he thought it was contradictory to the encouragement that I'd been sending him to go move forward aggressively. I am frustrated because he has been too aggressive without at all counseling with me and then claiming that I have been encouraging of him.

I am not fully sure of what this is supposed to be telling me, but I am wondering if there is a warning here about the friend (whom I haven't thought about) and his ties to Florida where I just visited. I am also wondering about a warning about using e-mail instead of direct communication.
The academic founder of a company two jobs ago was in a dream seeking my advice. We never had a great relationship because to some degree I was the guy hired in who was calling his baby ugly. That said, in this dream, he seemed to be much more dependent on me than he ever was in real life. (In real life, the four academic founders never really left their academic posts and thus always had a life to return to even if the company failed...)
I spoke with several injured people in wheelchairs, some of whom were temporarily injured, and some of whom were permanently injured. One of the people who was permanently injured was a technical founder of a company three jobs ago who is currently residing on the East Coast. I'm not sure what the significance was here. I did have a good relationship with this person, and what is significant about him is that he had chosen to "retire" back East and build a house on land inherited from his parents. In addition, this particular person was an intellectual whom I had a good relationship with.

I don't remember these dreams well, but I think there is significance here. I'll need to chew on this more.

Power vs. Force - Mariners turning it around?

2004-07-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

I did a post after the Mariners vs. Astros game, where I described the Mariners as all force, no power. Now that the young guys are getting an opportunity to play and there's a renewed excitement in the fan base, I think this is turning around. We're only one four game series into the second half of the season, but I think the power is becoming evident.

I saw a 9th inning catch by center fielder Hiram Bocachica, literally stealing a home run from the Indians. This is an example of making things happen when they're going your way.

Rookie Justin Leone had two home runs in this series. Rookie Bucky Jacobsen could do no wrong today. Also, Raul Ibanez, now back from his injury is definitely contributing. The Mariners after the all-star break are looking like a different team.

While it's sad to lose John Olerud (the paragon of class in the game), I think releasing Rich Aurilia and benching Edgar Martinez are allowing the team to return to "power." I think here's an example of how focusing on growth and not necessarily the outcome can produce results.

Today is my birthday...

2004-07-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm 37 today. From one perspective, today is just another day. On the other hand, today is a reminder that I am in a period that Jung wrote about. He wrote that dreams get more significant at the onset of middle age (age 36 to 40)...

Thus we speak on the one hand of a personal and on the other of a collective unconscious, which lies at a deeper level and is further removed from consciousness than the personal unconscious. The "big" or "meaningful" dreams come from this deeper level. They revel their significance–quite apart from the subjective impression they make–by their plastic form, which often has a poetic force and beauty. Such dreams occur mostly during the critical phases of life, in early youth, puberty, at the onset of middle age (thirty-six to forty), and within sight of death. (On the Nature of Dreams, p. 77)

History always repeats itself.

Yoga tapes

2004-07-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

Somehow, I think that yoga is part of the picture. I also think back to why I decided to take a Tai Chi course in college. Maybe there is some tie back to Eastern mind-body techniques that I need to be paying attention to. Those yoga tapes have been sitting in my shelf, and perhaps this extra week should be spent viewing them.

Another thought... Chiropractic

2004-07-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

See <http://www.chirolob.com/diabetes.htm>

This concept was first introduced through the works of Edgar Cayce, and now there is other material that is suggestive of a theory behind this.

Perhaps this is a leson for me that I need to transcend what logic can explain for now and to have faith in that which we cannot understand. Hawkins writes that Freud, like most scientific minds, calibrated at 499, because he could not intuit what could not be explained rationally. Jung, on the other hand, calibrated at 540 because he could transcend that rational thinking.

Perhaps I need to use the extra week to seek out chiropractic therapy.

Postponing our vacation...

2004-07-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have decided to postpone our July 19th departure date for our vacation pending our investigation of the lot.

I am also thinking about how to take advantage of this time because I have a feeling that there was probably another reason to delay it in the energy field of the universe. (I'm not sure why but I just had the feeling that this was going to happen...)

Thoughts in my mind:

Perhaps our house will sell this weekend, and we needed to be here anyway to start move planning.
Perhaps a site will be so interested in the photo kiosk concept that I need to be here to close the transaction.
Perhaps I really need to have my LLC and accounting all set up before I head down to California.

I'm not sure.

Investigating lot on "The Street"

2004-07-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Recall the entry on The Street.

My wife and I decided that we'd start looking at this more seriously, so she called the selling agent for a lot we're interested in building on. The lot has been on the market for 3-4 months, and the listing indicated that a study was happening in May. It turns out the study was completed July 12th, and my wife happened to call for a copy of the study the very day that he received it.

We have decided to postpone our family vacation to do the necessary due diligence as we may have the opportunity to evaluate this lot and get a leg up on other interested parties.

Unfortunately, the early returns are that it will be very expensive to build on this lot because of the slopes. We're going to have to get the buyer to come down in price, and she might not be willing to do this unless the property goes unsold for a very long time. What we do believe is that a professional builder will probably stay away from this lot as a spec home because of the risk.

That said, as of now, I do feel like this is part of the path... While I still have many questions on the details (how much it will cost, how we're going to finance it, how this interacts with my business ideas, etc.), I somehow visualize this more as a place to live than just a real estate investment... I'm not sure if that's good or bad right now. It just is.

Insights from gift shop

2004-07-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

My first detailed meeting on pitching the photo kiosk concept went well yesterday.

Here's why the gift shop is "more interested than when you would think" in getting a photo kiosk.

Generates foot traffic to the store. He had a photo copier at one point in the store that generated 6000-8000 copies per month. It wasn't a great money maker at 10% of 5 cents per copy. However, it generated foot traffic.
Cross-sell of more expensive items. The average greeting card sale is 99 cents. A photo album or frame might be $10. Not only are these more expensive items higher margin, they are more revenue altogether.
Recognizes that things change. This has been true in this business now that mass merchandisers are selling the same products.

Potential barriers:

The mall has an "exclusive" on vending machine contracts. We need to ensure that this doesn't classify as a vending machine.
Concern over offending people if passersby watch someone printing lewd or distasteful photos. (Not a concern over legal liability).
Lease terms. The issue is that the gift shop's lease is in part determined by the total revenues from the location, and the amount levied would be based on the gross revenues from the kiosk, not the net revenues to the location.

Another interesting note is that the gift shop probably prefers that the machine itself is the point of sale. They had "shrinkage" from the photocopier experience because the people working the cash register were often forced to not charge people for bad copies, but they were still invoiced on the counts by the copy machine operator. Getting the store out of the loop is key.

Floor space is also a key requirement. The 2 foot shelves are defined spaces.

Using friends versus paying for professional work...

2004-07-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

We are learning to take advantage of our friends more, and I hope over time that they do the same of me. I hope this is how the world can continue to work...

Examples:

A lawyer friend has offered to help us set up our LLC
An architect friend has offered to help us evaluate a property
My wife's cousin has also offered to help us evaluate the same property
A former employee has offered to help me debug a problem I'm having with backups on my Windows Small Business Server

Here are some examples of my hoping to help others:

Making introductions to potential angel investors for a friend's company
Helping Marsha's cousin set up a computer

While I know the world doesn't look like a "score card," I am realizing that perhaps others are helping me more than I am helping them right now.

That said, we also know the downside of using friends. Our former real estate while good intentioned didn't produce the results we wanted - at least at first.

In addition, a small business accountant that my wife and I met with this week recommended that we should always pay for professional work so that we have an opportunity to complain when things go wrong.

Of course, our former real estate agent also allowed us to complain; she was great about it. Also, she still has one exemption... Perhaps the greatest lesson of all might come if after all this time, my daughter's prediction ultimately comes true - that the people who viewed our house last month actually come back and buy it now. These people should have had an opportunity by now to see everything they were going to see; if they really love this house, they'd come back.

Why PV project is now NID-based

2004-07-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

Now that I've bought an NID machine, the cat's out of the bag. The PV project for history was "Photo Virtuoso" which I have now replaced with the name "Photo Maestro." One of things I was considering doing was to actually purchase my own photo kiosks directly from a manufacturer (KIS) and brand them myself.

The issue with that strategy is that after visiting NID, I realized that the software platform offered by Touchpoint remains immature. Examples:

Confusing user interface. There aren't simple ways to do simple things - for example, other machines have a "print one of everything" option. Editing photos doesn't have clear buttons that walk you through the process - for example, when you're done editing, you have to hit "View Photos" instead of something called "Done." It's tough to crop images (there's no autocrop feature either...).
Suboptimal color correction. I'm wondering if the software isn't using the EXIF settings in the JPEG or something. The Sony Picturestation seemed to have the best color settings.
Poor scan quality. The colors are off. I'm not sure if this is a hardware or a software issue to be fair.
Image quality of predefined borders. While these looked good for 4x6, they didn't look good at 8x10. It's possible that TouchPoint just needs to load two different versions of the borders.

After my visit to NID, it became apparent to me that someone would need to lean on the software vendors, and there'd be a lot more leverage coming from an organization that's already sold 300 of these units rather than a guy operating locally here out of Seattle. The other thing I grew to remember here is that trying to work with an organization like Sony to deal with independent operators was always going to be tough when the number one customer is still Kinko's which has a different set of requirements.

Hence, I'm moving forward with NID. Let's see how this goes!

Missed Hawkins' lecture

2004-07-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

I missed the David Hawkins (the author of Power vs. Force) lecture while he was in town. I found out that he was going to be lecturing here in Seattle on July 10th from 10am to 4pm. The problem was that my younger daughter's birthday party was scheduled for July 10th at 1:30pm. There was no way I was going to miss her birthday, and I decided that paying over $55 to see only a part of the lecture wasn't worth it.

The topic was interesting - it was about new research about how and why spiritual intention changes brain physiology and how this changed brain perceives the world differently.

I am now reading the Eye of the I, and somehow I believe that I'd get even greater impact of these teachings if I were to see the lecture. That said, even Hawkins emphasizes that the true spiritual teachers focus the energy away from themselves and to the teachings. I also know not to worry about the past or future - only the present.

Morphic resonance? PhotoMaestro?

2004-07-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Ironically, just as I came home from buying the NID photo kiosk machine to start a business, I get an e-mail from someone in the Boston area interested in buying the Internet domain that I had just purchased to run it (photomaestro.com).

I just think it's funny that the domain has been available for so long, photos are nothing new (there's nothing "digital" about this name), and almost immediately after I decide to buy it, there's someone interested in buying it from me.

Candidly, I'm not sure I even want to use this name because it's more a concept than a statement of what the product does. That said, I do lovce the sound of the name!

Bought an NID machine

2004-07-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

I just bought an NID machine. I took a trip to Florida this week to meet the guys, and I decided to do this. While there is always a bit of self-doubt involved in taking on any risk for me, I walked away feeling that these guys in general are good people who have ambition.

For me, this involved trusting people who I might otherwise have shunned. They don't come from what I'd normally consider "class A" backgrounds. On the other hand, that's OK. The path for me is to remove inhibitions and presuppositions and to see people for who they are.

The owner of NID seems like a very honest guy. He's a former school teacher and call center manager. He had a couple of friends who worked in the Internet access terminal business and the DVD rental dispenser business. When he heard about the opportunity with photo kiosks, he took out a home equity line of credit and started the business with two of his buddies.

What I admire is that these guys are just going for it. I also think they're ambitious.

Candidly, I'm not used to dealing with people like this. Most of the people I've interacted with were "educated" and "professionals." To me, these guys operate a bit more like plumbers and contractors. But, I know part of my own development is not just seeing the good in other people no matter what their backgrounds and also to reinvent my own image of self which has little to do with where I went to school or in what situation I was born.

Digest on thoughts to catch up on blogging...

2004-07-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

I have been a real slacker on the blogging. Why? I don't really have a good excuse, but I'll list some lame attempts:

Younger daughter's birthday party
Another open house
A barbeque at a neighbor's house
Trip planning for our California vacation
Preparation for my Florida trip
Watching two DVDs and all the associated "special features" - The Butterfly Effect and Paycheck.

I spoke with my mom on the phone on Saturday. She remains supportive of my taking time off. There's an interesting coincidence. It turns out that my younger daughter has a friend whose mom used to live in the house behind the one we moved away from when I was 7. My mom still remembers that family very well.

I continue to lack motivation to take another high tech job. One of my former coworkers presented me with a job description in product planning for a large European software manufacturer. Another one of my former coworkers forwarded me a job description in marketing for contract assignment. Neither excited me, and in fact, they both turned my stomach a bit.

I purchased Jerusalem artichokes or "sunchokes" on Friday. I'm trying them out now. They are a bit sick, but we'll see whether they help. My diabetes management went to crap last night after having pigged out at our neighbor's barbeque. Also, I had my last piece of this awesome chocolate cake we bought at Costco earlier today. Time to get back on the wagon.

I also "hit" another number on a lottery ticket in Saturday's Lotto drawing. (Only one of the two provided series hit a number, but I still have a streak of hitting a number on every ticket I've purchased.

Hoping to pass down to my kids...

2004-07-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while. Here's a topic that I did want to capture.

I really want to learn to "smell the roses" more. Like many I know, I think I'm focused more on the outcome than the process; more on the destination than the journey. When I started this "breaking out" process, my wife encouraged me to just go off on my own and take a vacation. As I've been thinking about this, I want to do it as a family because I want my kids to grow up with examples of how to enjoy the journey.

Kids are so special. My older daughter thinks its fun to ride on the airplane. I for some reason as a jaded adult think of the airplane as the means to the end...

For example, when I went to see Stonehenge, I think my greatest memory was of the very long train ride to get there and the disappointment that they'd roped off the structure. In hindsight, I wish I'd had the attitude getting to Stonehenge was an adventure and even being close was a privilege! I still remember on a different occasion being in London on a business trip with a girl who was avid reader of history. She got excited just standing in Trafalgar Square, for example. She was excited everywhere we went together. Seeing London again through her eyes was a much more refreshing perspective than I had personally.

We are planning a driving trip down the coast, and I'd very much like to spend time enjoying the sights on the way down - not just for my own experience but to share this with my kids as well.

A related topic is about a lack of respect that I've had for history in general. What I didn't realize is the perspective that history gives you; it really does always repeat itself.

I'm pleased that my older daugher has asked me about history; the Pilgrims, Columbus, etc. I hope to encourage her to enjoy history and more importantly to use it as an opportunity to reengage in history myself.

I think Jung lived at the wrong time. During his life, the world had two world wars and a Great Depression. People were focused more on "security" than on "growth" and perhaps his ideas are more poignant today now that we have the security in this time to focus inward. Even in Jung's time, he saw patients, many of whom were quite successful, that felt an emptiness in their own accomplishments and were "stuck" in their own spiritual growth.

I think his concept of "collective unconscious" is particularly relevant. It's similar to Sheldrake's concept of morphic resonance. It turns out that many of my college colleagues (that I only know peripherally) are making changes... Here's an excerpt from an e-mail I received today...

by the way.. i know of a lot of classmates who are looking to move away and start their lives over. must be that time in our lives. {name omitted) is going to check out portland. {name omitted} and her husband are thinking about vermont (his family is there). {name omitted} was talking maryland a few months ago.. {name omitted} is quitting his job and leaving hi-tech all together! he's packing his bags in boston and heading to U-Texas/Austin to be a prof!

Funny how this is a time of introspection for many with a similar background.

I'm also hoping that we can teach our kids to be less materialistic than the rest of society. I think this iz the direction that America has to go. As the rest of the world "catches up", the disparity between the wealth of America and the poverty in other countries has to equalize. They are going to get higher standards of living, and ours will go down a bit, I think. I think it's our job to ground our kids so that they will embrace these changes rather than fear them!

Summary of unemployment, week 5

2004-07-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

Main accomplishments:

Continued evaluation of NID. I've got a trip scheduled to Florida
PV pitch, draft 1 is complete. Meeting scheduled for 7/16 to present it the first time; also made calls to other potential partners
Started socializing with a few friends that I want to do consulting to get leads
Ordered a cheesey set of business cards to get consulting business running
Locked appointment with accountant for next week
Reserved a domain name for the PV opportunity
Completed one chapter of psychology review (goal was two)
Made it almost all the way through a book titled What Jung Really Said
I ran about 7.4 miles Monday, did about 2 hours of elliptical trainer workout on Tuesday, and ran this morning for 5.4 miles, including one 7:28 mile around the high school track.

Other stuff:

All three of our cars went to the shop this week - the van got checked before our road trip, the BMW had its brake lining light go off, and the Audi needed to go through its 2 year checkup. Of course, our Plymouth van came out just fine. The BMW had to get other things fixed, and the Audi had a flat. (Personally, I am highly suspicious of the dealership...)
This week is our younger daughter's birthday party. We ordered her cake! She is very excited.
Shipped both eBay packages.

Dream log - 07/09/2004

2004-07-09T17:18:00.000-07:00

Had a dream that my high school came up with an "all time" high performer / valedictorian list. One of my childhood family friends that graduated three years before me was ranked #4 on the list (she went to Harvard). I was not on the list. What was interesting about the list was that one of my high school friends who was not an "honor student" per se was ranked #14, and another person with a relatively low grade point average was ranked #15.

In the reviews, he'd even gotten negative reviews from some of the teachers, but some gave him really positive reviews.

Perhaps the important link here is that this high school friend ultimately became a man of God. After studying at seminary, he became a missionary and pastor. He is now married with two daughters, and he has moved back close to home.

Dream log - 07/08/2004

2004-07-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

I had a number of dreams; this one is the one I remember most vividly.

It involved players that I went to college with (lm, es, nw, jo, lr).

We're on some trip (like an Olympics competition or something). It involved a bus.ride, room reservations, and dinner reservations. The bus driver is arranging logistics on-site with the manager of the hotel.. We are all entertaining ourselves in the mean time (playing cards, etc.) Details are fuzzy now, but there are a couple of elements. One person suggests that we all stay in one room; we don't, but we are assigned roommates. It turns out that I get assigned to live with lm (with whom I roomed in college for many years). That was a score. The problem was that I also find out through lm that jo is another one of our roommates. Not so good. We have a great room; a river front "solar" with an atrium. This hotel is kind of like my dorm in college.

I find out that es is assigned to a building far away across town - not in our dorm/hotel. He is trying to contact me. For some reason, I'm having trouble using my phone to call him, but then I just type in the number. and I'm connected in a 3-way with his existing conversation with lr. I'm not sure how this happened, and neither are they. We end up getting disconnected, and I don't think I ever get to share the logistics with him for where we're eating dinner.

I also run into nw. She is with some outside friends that I don't know. She also wants to sit with us at dinner. While we are waiting, the owner of the restaurant / hotel is behind a counter, and I notice they have a Tilamook smoker. They make beef jerky on site! I get a big huge free sample, and nw sees me eating it thinknig that might be a good breakfast for me the next morning!

I'm also later in a situation where I meet some chefs of the facility. They are making a dessert, and they pile on the ice cream. They give me some; I explain to them that I'm diabetic and they can't believe it. One of the chefs then tells me something which I'm trying to remember now. It is something like "but the rest of you is OK." I'm not sure what that means now; however, at the time, I simply agreed.

I can't really remember the rest.

Dream log - 07/07/2004

2004-07-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

The farthest back I can remember in this dream, I am a consultant. I am trying to explain a difficult, but insightful concept. It takes many pages and thoughts coming together.

I'm explaining it to a VP of any industry analyst firm from my past, and he is leading another team now at a client of mine. After much discusssion and many pages of notes, he procliams that he normally wouldn't continue this because of the time involved, but he sees where I'm going. Unfortunately, his team has other commitments that afternoon, but he'd like to pick it up the next day. Honestly, I don't have everything together myself, and the time might be useful to help crystallize the thoughts. I remember in my past writing a paper that might have been really useful before.

I am wearing a suit. The building is a high rise building, and I have an office there somehow. I was meeting with the client (reeally the analyst firm VP) where I think they too have offices on the 4th floor. (I worked on the 4th floor of a high rise four jobs ago. I have another prospective client in an office building across the street, and I have to choose between using the time to prepare more for this meeting or to see the other prospective client. We are in an urban environment. It is a sunny day out the windows.

On my way across the street, I see a potential assistant (female) talking to another woman. I can't remember who it was now, but in the dream, I remember this potential assistant as someone from my past (high school colleague that I wasn't close to...). I ask her if she'll come with me to this client call, and it turns out that after discussion with the person she is talking to, it turns out she has nothing better to do.

I then run back, grab some other materials for the meeting, grab my phone headset (not sure why), and somehow recruit two other guys to go meet the other folks with me. Everyone gets ready, and we're supposed to meet by the elevators. Everyone is there, except the woman (who turns out now to be a former coworker and now wife of a close friend in California.) So, anyway, I tell the other guys to wait there for her to return, and I go down to the second floor to make some more preparations, and I'm deciding whether to leave my headset in the lounge. At first, I plug it into the a headset to a phone in the lounge, and then I decide it might get stolen and I take it with me. Then, I decide to go to the bathroom.

On the way to the bathroom, I see the woman (former assistant). She is wearing a red dress and is done going to the bathroom. I tell her that the others are waiting in the elevator bank on the fourth floor, and that she should meet them there. Somehow, though, I "know" that she just decides to wait for me to finish going to the bathroom and we'll go up the stairs together.

In the bathroom, I go in, and the toilet is flooded close to the brim. The toilet is somewhat high so the only way I can use the toilet is to stand far away and "arc" my urine into the toilet. At first, things go fine. Then, the toilet fills and it starts to leak a bit, not a lot. But then, my urine loses "momentum" and I end up now with a small "arc" and I pee all over my suit pants and the bottom of my suit jacket.

Panic. The suit is wool, and I think it might dry. Being careful not to leave lint on the suit, I try wiping it in front of the mirror. No help.

Somehow, though, I have changes of clothes with me (also khaki pants, jeans, multiple shirts, ties, etc.). I then proceed to try on many combinations of clothes, even layering them at times. (How I think I can really layer these clothes on a sunny day is now beyond me...) I am now trying these clothon for what seems to be an eternity. (The reality is that I'm not really in there that long...) Finally, I jump outside the bathroom and tell the woman (who I knew would be patiently waiting outside the bathroom) to get the other guys, which she does. They arrive, and I explain what happens. They are very sympathetic.

At this point, they're trying to analyze what happened, trying to make sure that the clothes I decided not to wear don't get urine-soaked on the floor, and we're trying to determine whether the clothes I am wearing are going to be appropriate. I'm wearing now more hip jeans, a hip shirt, and some brown buck leather shoes. Kind of cool casual. Not totally unacceptal for this urban environment, but not what I normally do.

OK - then my kids wake us up making lots of noise... I can't fall back asleep to continue this dream.

What happened?

Was I on the verge of a breakthrough with this first client only to lose focus to work on something else? The insight on that first opportunity was good; he knew it and I knew it, but it was undeveloped. Perhaps, this is meaning that my PV project shouldn't take backseat to the more general consulting work I'm thinking about at this point.
Who were these people who were helping me on the new opportunity? I don't remember who they were, but they were people from my past who were not close... Perhaps, this just means that others will be willing to help me on the "new" opportunity, but that the "first" opportunity is something I need to do myself.
Why was I changing clothes so much? If I had all these clothes, why didn't I just decide what to wear and go back upstairs to meet my team? Perhaps, I'm not figuring out exactly what image I want to portray or what I want to do in this second opportunity.
What is the significance of the headset, and why was I indecisive? To me, headsets might be symbolic of cold calling. Perhaps I'm deciding if I really want to do this, and I end up deciding to do it before peeing all over myself... What's interesting is that I'm deciding whether to take it with me on the new opportunity. The question I have right now is whether I need to do cold calling on the PV project...

Either way, I get the feeling that this dream is very important. I wish my kids weren't so loud...

Trying this out - goals for the week

2004-07-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

I don't want to make this like "a job," but perhaps I'll take more comfort knowing that I set goals and met them.

Here are the top "goals" for the week.

Restart running program. Run 25 miles this week.
Do a pitch for the PV location
Go through 2 chapters of the Psychology study guide

Secondary goals remain:

Keep the blogging up
Meditate once per day
Go through one yoga videotape
Check out the Fred Meyer Fuji photo kiosk

I'm not sure if doing this will make me feel better, but we'll see.

Movies I haven't seen yet...

2004-07-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Now that I have lots of time, I've realized that I haven't been taking advantage of it enough. I have always liked seeing films, and there is a backlog of films that I want to see...

I also want to see The Bourne Supremacy when it comes out...

This isn't a priority, but I feel somewhat "lame" that I haven't really done that much "fun" stuff in the four weeks I've been off!

Keep the focus alive - being practical is a means to an end and not the end itself...

2004-07-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

OK, I've been reflecting now on my 4-week "sabbatical," and I've realizedt that I've started losing "focus" on the spiritual growth and exploration and perhaps getting a bit too focused on the "logistics of life."

I realized this, as I spent much of the day thinking about my PV project. Our plans today for our July 4th got sidetracked; a day at Remlinger Farms turned into a "nap day" for my kids and my wife. I used the time to pondered what a "pitch" would look like for my PV project.

The "nap day" should have been anticipated yesterday. Last night, we went to the family of one of my older daughter's friends, and we stayed there until about 9pm. Our daughters then goofed off, didn't go right to bed, and proceeded to wake up at 6:30am this morning. When we arrived at Remlinger Farms at 11am, we opted to turn around because our younger daughter had just awoken from a car nap, and didn't want to get out of the van. On the way home, our older daughter fell asleep in the car. It's a good thing we didn't try to force a day of "fun." I have a feeling our trip down the coast is going to be cut short... :)

In any case, I'd say more time has gone into the pragmatic sides at this point - thinking through a consulting gig, the NID photo thing, and my PV project. This is fine, but I can't lose focus on what I'm doing those things for - in particular to give me time to really seek what I really want to do. Those things are just the means to an end; not the end itself.

Not only is my diabetes management program waning, but I also think I'm losing focus on the meditation. My wife took a call from a real estate agent last week that planned on showing our house today at 11am. That real estate agent never showed up! Also, our house was shown yesterday, and we heard nothing! I do believe that I need to continue to meditate on the home front, and I haven't been doing this enough...

Lottery, still somewhat beating the odds...

2004-07-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

I matched a number again (my ticket was 20 34 38 41 43, mega ball = 03). The 38 matched. My wife bought a ticket and got no matches.

So far (knock on wood), I have not purchased a lottery ticket that hasn't matched a number...

I think I'm going to rest for a while though, as someone won the mega millions jackpot last night, and the pot is back down to $10M.

Reconsider NID?

2004-07-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

OK, here are the counterparts to my NID Not For Me post...

NID is clearly set up for independent operators. The incumbent kiosk operators (Fujifilm, Kodak, Sony) have clearly targeted existing photo labs. Sony, for example, doesn't even ship built-in credit card authorization or remote monitoring today.

They already have marketing materials and business model. The reality is that while I feel confident I could even do a better job than them at doing all of this, timing is an issue. They're 3 months ahead, and they've been focused on it. It'd be a side project for me at best given everything else I'm focusing on.

Better vision for where they want to take this beyond printing photos and cutting CD's. They know that the kiosk is really an Internet front-end, and are using the terminals as a front-end to sell photo-based T-shirts, bugs, and other tchatchke. They also have the vision of how they might use these as reservation front-ends for rental cars, restaurants, etc., or perhaps as a front-end for advertising spots.

More food for thought...

Summary of unemployment, week 4

2004-07-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

The time is just flying by. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks already.

This week, I feel good about:

Making progress on PV concept. Still work to go, but it could be a decent deal...

Started laying groundwork for consulting practice. I spoke to a lawyer about setting up an LLC, got some accountant names, and came up with a name...

Teaching my older daughter to play poker. She is really enjoying it, and she's pretty lucky, too!

Reading a psychology primer. Fascinating.

Transferring cash into better money market account; speaking with financial advisor

Doing first eBay listings. I put both an old laptop and an old CD-ROM drive up for sale on eBay, and they're getting bids.

Our new real estate agent is driving our home sale process well. Our house is now "staged," and it looks terrific. Our Web listing also looks great. I really believe we're on the path to a house sale now!

I feel less good about:

Exercise program. I haven't been that good about keeping it up this week.

Overall diabetes management. I just haven't been focusing my energy there...

Backlog of stuff I want to look at...
- Further development of psychic skills with the Sanders book
- Read the book about Jung
- Vince Flynn's Memorial Day
- Yoga videos and books lent to me by a friend
- AAA guidebooks to start planning a trip
I'm still feeling a bit scattered even though I'm making some progress on all areas

Other stuff:

Went to the 7/1 Mariners game against the Rangers. The kid (Travis Blackley) looked good. We actually had an "onslaught" of offense given the team's recent performance.

Bought fireworks for July 4th. It should be fun to pyro out with the kids this Sunday

Visited low carb store and wrote some reviews of the products.

Family portraits...

7/2 - lots of random activity

2004-07-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of tired, but I'm behind on blogging. Some of what happened today...

Verified with Citibank that we're now set up to receive 5% cash back on grocery stores, drug stores, gas stations, etc. When we originally signed up, the program was only for 1% cash back. The cards were supposed to automatically upgrade themselves effective September 1, 2004, but they granted me a "referral" so that I can receive this benefit early...

Work on the "stealth project." Last night, I socialized my idea for the project name with my wife, and she liked it. For this blog, I'll call it "PV."
- Spoke with an equipment distributor for PV. It's clear that they are very much in the mind set of their old, traditional business - not the new world.
- Spoke with a sample location owner for my stealth project. While the location owner started out a bit skeptical, after hearing the pitch, he ultimately agreed to take a meeting the week of July 12th.
- Did a bit of "field research." I have good benchmarks.
Took family portraits. The photographers are all digital now, so we got to see the digital proofs immediately. There were some cute pictures of the kids, but the ones with the whole family were kind of lame. We ended up spending $100 to get more pictures of the kids and one 3x5 snapshot of the family. Oh well.

Got guidebooks from AAA. Just planning for the trip ahead!

Had to restock the yogurt, yogurt cheese, flax seed supplies.

Bought Knowledge Adventure Jumpstart 1st Grade software for my older daughter and installed it on the kid's PC.

Played a bit more poker with my older daughter. Since learning to play initially, she has really been asking every day to play more.

Insight - be happy that you're "alive"

2004-07-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

I was telling my therapist about a concern that I'm a bit all over the map. (I've tried to articulate a method to the madness.)

I've told him about business ideas, my psi experiments, my reading into psychology, teaching my daughter to play poker, etc. I've also told him about my concern that I haven't been focused enough in any one area to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Where he encouraged me is that after hearing many of my ideas, he commented that he was imnpressed with the way my mind works, and he told me that I shouldn't worry about an end point as long as I feel "alive."

That is very inspiring. I do actually feel quite "alive." I am enjoying the time.

NID not for me...

2004-07-01T06:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I spent some time with the NID person on the phone.

He is planning to follow up with me next week. I am going to say "no." Here are my top stated concerns:

Company management. The company founders have never run a business before and have no functional expertise in running a franchise. These are former Compaq employees. The scary guy tried to divert my attention from this by pointing me to the Kiosk vendor's Web page.

No protection from downside of their going under. The only answer here was that if they went under, I'd get to deal with the software company directly. This unfortunately is another small, privately held company (Touchpoint).

Premium on sales side. The machines cost about $14K, and their franchise fee is $25K per machine. They are charging roughly $11K for their sales efforts and the for the setup of a merchant acount. This isn't worth it. I can easily set up my own merchant account, and I could probably just find my own Seattle-based guy who used to work in the ATM or phone booth industry that knows the local markets better than the folks out Floria and commission him $10K to find me 5 sites. The value isn't there.

In any case, I've now got my own ideas about where to take a related concept. I am going to go "stealth" in this blog at this point.

Lottery numbers - somewhat beating the odds

2004-07-01T04:55:00.000-07:00

This week, I am still slightly beating the odds. (Recall, I bought two lottery tickets over the weekend.) I got 1 number correct on Mega Millions, and 1 number correct on each of two Lotto series. The probability of doing this was 42.1% * 31.8% = 13.4%. Slightly better than 1 in 7.

(The last time I bought a Mega Millions ticket, I got two numbers right which has odds of slightly better than 1 in 14...).

Again, the expectation here is that this isn't going to make me rich. I just want to continue going with the flow. I did get a better feeling about Lotto (which is why I added it to the mix) than I did about Mega Millions, and while the result was the same (I lost $1 in both cases), I did succeed in beating the odds in Lotto (succeeded with a 31.6% chance of success) moreso than over Mega Millions (succeeded with a 42.1% chance of success).

I matched one number in Tuesday's Mega Millions drawing (the number 10 - my wife's birthday).

In Mega Millions, there are a total of 52 numbers and 5 right answers, plus the "mega ball" which is 52 numbers and 1 right answer. (Total possibilities = 52!/5!47! * 52!/1!51!=52*51*50*49*48/(5*4*3*2*1)*52 = 135,145,920

Here's the breakdown

1 number right
- one number right from set of 5 right answers, 4 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number wrong from a set of 51 wrong answers...
  5!/(1!4!) * 47!/(4!43!) * 51!/(1!50!) = 5*47*46*45*44/4/3/2*51 = 45,483,075
- zero numbers right from a set of 5 right answers, 5 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number right from a set of 1 right answers...
  5!/(0!5!) * 47!/(5!42!) * 1 = 1*47*46*45*44*43/5/4/3/2*1= 1,533,939
- Total= 45,483,075 + 1,533,939 = 47,017,014
2 numbers right
- two numbers right from set of 5 right answers, 3 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number wrong from a set of 51 wrong answers...
  5!/(2!3!) * 47!/(3!44!) * 51!/(1!50!) = 5*4/2*47*46*45/3/2*51 = 8,269,650
- one number right from a set of 5 right answers, 4 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number right from a set of 1 right answers...
  5!/(1!4!) * 47!/(4!43!) * 1 = 5*47*46*45*44/4/3/2*1= 891,825
- Total= 8,269,650 + 891,825 = 9,161,475
3 numbers right
- three numbers right from set of 5 right answers, 2 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number wrong from a set of 51 wrong answers...
  5!/(3!2!) * 47!/(2!45!) * 51!/(1!50!) = 5*4/2*47*46/2*51 = 551,310
- two numbers right from a set of 5 right answers, 3 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number right from a set of 1 right answers...
  5!/(2!3!) * 47!/(3!44!) * 1 = 5*4/2*47*46*45/3/2*1 = 162,150
- Total= 551,310 + 162,150 = 703,460
4 numbers right
- four numbers right from set of 5 right answers, 1 number wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number wrong from a set of 51 wrong answers...
  5!/(4!1!) * 47!/(1!46!) * 51!/(1!50!) = 5*47*51 = 11,985
- three numbers right from a set of 5 right answers, 2 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number right from a set of 1 right answers...
  5!/(3!2!) * 47!/(2!45!) * 1 = 5*4/2*47*46/2*1 = 10,810
- Total= 11,985 + 10,810 = 22,795
5 numbers right
- five numbers right from set of 5 right answers, while getting one number wrong from a set of 51 wrong answers, or 51!
- four numbers right from a set of 5 right answers, 1 numbers wrong from a set of 47 wrong answers, while getting one number right from a set of 1 right answers...
  5!/(4!1!) * 47!/(1!46!) * 1 = 5*47 = 235
- Total= 51 + 235 = 286
Plus the right answer = 1

So, the total number of combinations of getting 1 or more right are 47,017,014 + 9,161,475 + 703,460 + 22,795 + 286 + 1 = 56,905,031.

The probability of getting one or more number right is therefore 56,905,031 / 135,145,920 = 42.1%

An interesting calculation is to figure out the odds of winning anything in Mega Millions.

Getting a the mega ball with none other right is 1,533,939 / 135,145,920 = 1.135% (or 1 in 88)
Getting the mega ball with 1 other right is 891,825 / 135,145,920 = 0.6599% (or 1 in 152)
Getting the mega ball wrong with 3 numbers right is 551,310 / 135,145,920 = 0.4079% (or 1 in 245)
Getting the mega ball right and 2 other right is 162,150 / 135,145,920 = 0.1200% (or 1 in 833)
Getting the mega ball wrong and 4 other right is 11,985 / 135,145,920 = 0.008868% (or 1 in 11,276)
Getting the mega ball right and 3 other right is 10,810 / 135,145,920 = 0.0079988% (or 1 in 12,502)
Getting the mega ball wrong and 5 others right is 51 / 135,145,920 = 0.000003774% (or 1 in 2649920)
Finally, getting the right answer is 1 / 135,145,920...

So, the chances of winning anything is 1,533,939 + 891,825 + 551,310 + 162,150 + 11,985 + 10,810 + 235 + 51 + 1) / 135145920 = 2.340% (or 1 in 43)!

In last night's Lotto drawing, I matched 1 number each on the two series that they provided. In series A, I got 22. In series B, I got 44. (The drawing was 8 11 22 31 36 44)

While I was somewhat disappointed that I didn't do better, I made the observation that I got one number out of 6 on both series in the Lotto. There's only a 31.8% chance of doing that!

Using my refound probability training courtesy of my MIT math major friend, I can now show the work here:

In Lotto, the total number of possibilities are 49 choose 6. Or 49!/(6!43!) = 49*48*47*46*45*44/(6*5*4*3*2*1) = 13,983,816.

The number of possibilities to get one number right from a set of 6 and 5 wrong answers from a set of 43 are 6!/(1!5!) * 43!/(5!38!) = 6*43*42*41*40*39/(5*4*3*2*1) = 5,775,588

Then, I've got to repeat that calculation for getting 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 numbers right.

2 - 6!/(2!4!) * 43!(4!39!) = 6*5/(2*1)*43*42*41*40/(4*3*2*1) = 1,851,150

3 - 6!/(3!3!) * 43!/(3!40!) = 6*5*4/(3*2*1)*43*42*41/(3*2*1) = 246,820

4 - 6!/(4!2!) * 43!/(2!41!) = 6*5/(2*1)*43*42/(2*1) = 13,545

5 - 6!/(5!1!) * 43!/(1!42!) = 6*43 = 258
6 - the right answer = 1

So, the total number of chances to get 1 or more numbers right = 5,775,588 + 1,851,150 + 246,820 + 13,545 + 258 + 1 = 7,887,362.

Therefore, the probability of getting at least number right is 7,887,362 / 13,983,816 = 56.4% - slightly better than a coin flip. The chances of this happening twice on one slip are 56.4% ^ 2 = 31.8%.

Now the owner of hillwork.com, hillwork.net, hillwork.org, hillwork.us

2004-07-01T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hillwork is the name I'm going to give to a consulting practice. It's the part of work I want to do. I may have written here that I spent some time doing a bit of marathon running.

Preparation for the marathon itself requires some training. You start with building a base. Then, you move to hill work to build a foundation for strength and power. As you get closer to the race, then you start your speedwork. The problem with hillwork is that it saps your legs, and you don't want to do it too close to a race.

Back to the corporate world, existing companies that want to enter new businesses often can't muster up the internal resources to build the proper foundations. They may have an inkling of what they want to do with some supporting data points (base), and they may have the resources to devote to the launching the business should they move forward (speed work). The challenge comes in the middle - how to really evaluate the business from multiple angles, look at the "hills to climb" and figure out how to run up them before dedicating resources to launching a new venture. Climbing these hills can sap the energy of key individuals responsible for leading other parts of the business.

This is where my services at Hillwork Group / Hillwork Consulting / Hillwork Inc / etc. will come in. I purchased the hillwork.com / hillwork.net / hillwork.org / hillwork.us domains late on Tuesday afternoon after I had the epiphany for the name on Tuesday morning. For now, I'll just plan to park them.

Review of The No-Carb Kitchen Gourmet Cheese Crackers

2004-06-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THESE!

I tried the Onion Poppy flavor of the No-Carb Kitchen ^TM Gourmet Cheese Crackers. Like the Just the Cheese crackers, they are made with baked cheese.However, these taste much much better.

These crackers have <1g of carb, 9g of protein, and 9g of fat (saturated fat of 3g). One box was $5.99 at TLC foods. There are only 15 crackers in here, so these are extremely expensive (about 40 cents per cracker...) That said, you can't eat very many of them either (remember, these are cheese...)

They don't list prices on the Web page, but I did call the 800 number and got the voice mail for Barry Novick. We'll see if he calls me back.

Chip's Chips Snackers review

2004-06-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

These are AWESOME! By far most natural tasting "low carb" snack cracker I've tried. I bought the Sour Cream & Onion flavor of these "crackers." A 1 oz bag has 2g of carb, 16g of protein, and 6g of fat (2g saturated fat). They are made with a combination of wheat and soy protein.

Information at http://www.betafoods.com/

Price is $11.94 for 6 bags. Shipping is $5.50 for one box, $6.50 for 2 boxes, and $7.50 for 4 boxes. So, for 6, the price would be $17.44, or $2.91 per bag. For 12, the price would be $30.38, or $2.53 per bag. For 24, the price would be $55.26, or $2.30. I paid $2.09 at TLC Foods in Kirkland, so it appears to be a better deal just to buy them locally!

Just the Cheese...

2004-06-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

This is a quick review of Just the Cheese ^TM Crunchy Baked Natural Cheese Snack. I tried the Nacho Cheese flavor.

Basically, it's crumbed natural cheese that is then baked and seasoned. It's 1 gram of carbohydrate per serving, 13 grams of fat (7 grams saturated fat), and 10 grams of protein. Not bad as a diabetic snack although still a bit high in fat...

Overall, the taste is OK. I wouldn't highly recommend this flavor, but it's certainly not gross. It also appears somewhat more natural than a lot of snacks targeted at low carbers...

More information - http://www.specialcheese.com/bakedch.htm

I paid $3.49, plus tax for these at TLC Foods in Kirkland. The cost for a case of 12 on the Web site is $32.40, plus $7 for shipping (only $1.25 per case for shipping thereafter.) So, in quantity 12, for $39.40, it's $3.28 per unit. In quantity 24, for $73.05, it's $3.04 per unit. So, there is some benefit in buying these mail order...

Spoke to financial adviser today...

2004-06-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

He sent me a nice e-mail back before calling me today...

Thanks for the update on you and the family. You are smart in making a career change while you are young. I see too many people who make good money and are not happy with their jobs/career path. Look around and see what else is out there. Find some thing that you enjoy doing. People that have a passion for what they are doing will eventually do well financially because they have that passion and will get better and better at what they enjoy doing.

My final advice, being an old fart, is to decide where you want to live and then move there. Life is too short not to enjoy a good lifestyle. You are talented and can find a new job/career after you decide where you want to raise your family.

In our conversation, he also reaffirmed his support of my decision and expressed empathy for the pressures that I must face from friends, in-laws, and families who often don't understand these motivations.

He also slipped back into character and let me know that being flexible is actually very desirable because the US has a very dynamic economy that creates jobs in new areas; not as stagnant as Europe, for example.

Selling books at Half Price Books

2004-06-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

OK, so it turns out that Amazon was a bust for certain types of books. The former "best sellers" go for about $0.01 from professional used booksellers, so amateurs like me who have to pay $0.99 for a listing can't compete.

I was able to get rid of 5 books at Half Price Books in Crossroads. For five books, I got $1.50. (Probably not even worth the mileage at $0.375 per mile to get there...) The lesson here is that the global marketplace (Amazon) works to your advantage when you're trying to sell weird stuff; the local marketplace seems to be better when trying to get rid of very common items.

I'm not sure why I'm noting this, but somehow I have the gut feeling that there is some learning experience to come from my desire to sell my stuff.

Other notes:

There was no activity on my Amazon.com book listings Sunday or today. I wonder when the next one will "pop."
I got two bids on the Macintosh CD-ROM drive on eBay after no activity on Saturday or Sunday. This stuff seems to actually be working...

TLC foods - not quite a fit with my journey

2004-06-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

There was an interesting article about low carb food stores in the Seattle Times on October 15, 2003. Here's the URL (for Seattle Times members) -

http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com/web/

In any case, it turns out that one of the stores mentioned (TLC Foods - "Totally Low Carb") has a franchise located in Kirkland, and I went by today.

The franchise owner also owns two Curves franchises and does a decent amount of cross-promotion. The low-carb diets recommended by the Curves diets can be supplied through his TLC Foods store.

I walked away spending about $40 on products that included nitrite free beef jerky, baked cheese that comes in a cracker form factor, soy nuts, a soy flour/pesto "pizza", and some awesome soy crackers. There were also some cleverly packaged Atkins supplements that included essential fatty acids and even cleansing products. Good competition for GNC. I could see spending money on these at some point...

That said, most of the products were just extremely processed foods, almost all of which contained sugar alcohols and artificial sweeteners. The big thing they were pushing at the store was Erythritol. It is a substance that I hadn't heard of before, but they have lots of products that include it. (I have tried the Maltitol based products for diabetics, and all I can say is that they cause the worst and smelliest flatulence "events" known to mankind.)

Some gaps I saw at this store.

Limitations of hourly workers. The two other customers that were in the store were looking as much for advice as for products. One overweight gentleman was surprised to find out that he couldn't eat nuts during the Atkins induction phase, even though that is clearly spelled out in the Atkins book. I think there are limitations to the kinds of advice that you can get from the type of people willing to work an hourly wage in a store. In addition, one of the store workers was clearly overweight. You have to ask how much success this person had herself with Atkins...

Somewhat obtuse food philosophy. The very Atkins revolution was one that really explained that we are eating things that our body wasn't designed to eat - the volume of agricultural products (carbs) available to us is higher than it ever was before, and the refinery processes provide those carbs at a much higher density than before. Essentially, the whole basis of the low carb movement is one that calls for us to return to the whole foods that our bodies were designed to eat; yet the low carb stores sell chemically processed and artificially sweetened foods. Go figure. We're just going to replace the diabetes and obesity epidemic with cancer or some other horrific disease...

Convenience. Right now, this remains a specialized enough business where you have to drive so far to get these foods. I went to the store during rush hour in the Seattle area on the night of a home Mariners game. It seems to me that at this phase of the market, an e-tailer might be a better option to reach the masses.

I have thought about getting into this business of providing products that support diabetics in their path to wellness. Clearly, the franchise opportunity presented by TLC Foods is not the way I want to pursue this.

Scary people at digital kiosk franchise...

2004-06-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

One of the things I have been looking into is a way to supplement income by taking advantage of the digital photo revolution. There's a company (National Image Distributors - http://www.nidphoto.com) that has a franchise model for distributing photo kiosks. The concept is that you can put in a CD-ROM or digital photo media into a machine, put in a credit card, and have dye sublimation prints (photo process, not ink process) spit out the other end.

Today, I had a conversation with the "regional director" (bogus because from what I can tell there is only one "region - all of the US." He was a scary guy with a New York accent. He used to work in the indepedent ATM kiosk business.

Here's their basic spiel.

$25K buy-in price for one machine
Assume 41 uses per day with average selling price of $3 per transaction
$3690 per month gross
$700 per month cost of fees to sites, supplies, DSL line, etc.
$35K per year income per machine
Six figure income for five machine investment.

Assume 10% of gross goes to sites; they negotiate with sites for you if you want
The claim is they make ongoing money off selling you the supplies
They charge 15 cents for supplies for a single 4x6 print

Cost to consumers, depending on volume is 49 cents to 79 cents per print. In addition to prints, the machine can cut CD's and can also sell items (T-shirts, etc.) over an Internet connection with the photos printed on them.

He provided a telephone reference who is actually compensated on the number of calls she returns. He was vague as to whether she was compensated on whether or not any sales came through her references; of course this would affect her objectivity. In addition, the reference was someone in South Florida (not far from their offices). For all I know, this could be a friend of the family or something.

The are no machines here on the West Coast. The company got started in March. They have sold 300 units, only 100-150 which are operating now. He would not give me the location of any of the operating machines where I might take a look.

I raised two objections for which the regional sales director had no adequate response. The first is that 41 transactions per day seemed very high as an assumption. He was not willing to provide any data to suggest that these numbers were actually attained by existing franchisees. The second is that 49 cents to 79 cents per print seems very high. After all, Target will do them in their one hour photo center here for 29 cents per print, and you don't have to operate a machine yourself...

These guys seem very scary. I will take a look at the package they send me tomorrow. I had to give them my FedEx number; they wouldn't even pay to send me any marketing materials.

Digest of thoughts over the weekend...

2004-06-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

These are some random thoughts that I had over the weekend...

Holding us back? My wife had questioned whether it was my own reservations that were keeping us from selling our house. While there are logical explanations both in our emptied living room and dining room (giving potential buyers the feeling of a divorce in the house...) as well as the price, there is still a noted lack of interest in our house...

My older daughter is still holding on to her prediction. It turns out that we heard from our old real estate agent that both the husband and wife of the couple that our older daughter predicted would buy our house like the house very much. They still haven't committed. Christina still believes they are the ones despite that their realtor hasn't made a move yet. We are now moving forward on Monday with a transition of our real estate agent...

Suprising "good feeling" about a potential opportunity in California. My wife surprisingly told me that she thought that a potential opportunity for me down in California working for a friend's husband sounded like the right thing for me to do. I wouldn't have predicted this given such a lack of desire on my part to raise my kids in California.

Realization. At one point, my wife and I had talked about my commuting between Seattle and the Bay Area either for study or for work. I now realize that I don't want to go down that path. Personally, I just believe the kids are more harmed by having a somewhat dysfunctional family life (dad always away and stressed) rather than by just being together in a less family-friendly place. I think if I do something in California, I'm going to prefer to move the family with me. The question remains - what do we do if we end up pursuing purchasing a lot on the street?

No lottery luck. My wife bought a lottery ticket for Friday's drawing and got no numbers correct. At that point, I told her to let me buy the lottery tickets. J I bought the ticket today for both Mega Millions and Lotto.
Here were the numbers:
Mega Millions 06/29/2004 - 06 10 24 37 43 (Mega Ball) 06
Lotto 06/30/2004 - A 06 17 22 35 37 40
Lotto 06/30/2004 - B 09 31 34 37 41 44
I am going to channel the numbers 06 and 37.

Poker misery. I probably had the cards to win at poker on Saturday night, but I spazzed early on. I had a straight (best possible hand on the turn) and chickened out on an "all-in". I was idiotic. In any case, I chose not to buy a lottery ticket Saturday night after the game because I was just being stupid that day...

eBay selling. Posted first eBay sales this weekend - an old IBM Thinkpad and an old Macintosh 2X CD-ROM drive. The Thinkpad has already gotten bids; the CD-ROM has not.

Saw apartments again. I took my wife and my kids to the apartment complex that I looked at on the Tuesday of week 2 of unemployment. The apartment we're looking at is still available, and my wife and kids seemed to like the place.

Shockingly low blood sugar. I took a blood sugar reading this evening. It was at 103 despite some general abuse I've been administering to my body including a huge frozen yogurt + brownie portion today at Zuppa's.

Summary of unemployment, week 3

2004-06-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

Wow. Three weeks already. I think the biggest realization that I have in Week 3 is that I have not tied any "ego" to my career.

I specifically recall being at the three-year old birthday party for one of my coworker's kids, where I met a mom that had stopped working on the birth of her older daughter. I knew everything about what she used to do. She was a program manager for Exchange in the Product Support Services group at Microsoft. And, I even knew what background she had in knowledge management systems. She was planning to return to Microsoft soon and was stressed about finding a nanny. So, six years after she had left her job, she was thinking more about what she used to do than I am thinking about three weeks out of a job.

I think the biggest thing I'm doing right now is just "chilling." This is part of a reset process, and I'm not trying too hard to be "productive."

Here's what I did day-by-day to the best of my recollection:

Monday. Went through Consulting for Dummies. First meeting with new real estate agent

Tuesday. Went to Henry Moses Aquatic Center. Second meeting with new real estate agent

Wednesday. Went running with former coworker. Drove down the "street." Met with home stager. Read parts of Home-based Business for Dummies.

Thursday. Sold first three books on Amazon and set up Endicia account. Saw therapist.

Friday. Had lunch with friend. Sold book on Amazon. Got a tour of the house on "the street."

Kind of uneventful, really.

I love Costco. Money market rates above 2% now...

2004-06-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

Total non sequitur. In the process of "freeing" myself from obligations, I've been hoarding cash and not reinvesting it.

Through a Costco promotion, Capital One is offering 2.11% on Money Market accounts. Wow!

https://promotions.capitalone.com/RCE/costcot001/deposits005/Main?src=4016&LReqd=F&Dcode=deposits005

Anyway, I started the transfer process today to put my money there, and I've also left a message with my money manager to talk about revisiting our investment goals. No news here; just marking this date as a date where I'm starting to make progress on juggling some stuff.

Selling books on Amazon...

2004-06-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Part of my cleansing process has been the urge to get rid of the stuff I have that I don't use...

One experience that I had this week is that I ended up listing some of my old books on Amazon.com. In some ways, this is very much like preparing for a garage sale. In the end, you probably get as much value as donating things at market value to Goodwill or the Salvation Army and taking a tax writeoff. However, there is just a certain "sport" around getting cold, hard cash for people to take your junk.

Basically, the way that the Amazon marketplace works is that they let you list your books, and they take $0.99 plus 15% of your sales price as commission. There is no cost to list the books. This week, I sold 4 books, grossing $23.86. I've spent $7.46 in shipping on these four items, plus I've used some household packaging materials. Candidly, this was a lot of work so far for $16.40. The only saving grace is a 30-day free trial of Endicia, which is a postage service that lets me print "Media Mail" postage from my home PC. If I had to go to the post office for these four books, I would have given up already!

Once my free trial is done, I'm probably going to quit. The $9.95 per month that the service would normally cost would eat away at all my "earnings!"

My next stop is eBay...

Not a free spirit...

2004-06-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

I think I've referred to the Michelangelo philosophy of sculpture before - that the image is already in the stone; you just have to take away what doesn't belong.

This has been my process; I know what my future is "not," and I'm whittling away those options. This particular entry is about a couple of realizations that I've made.

There are many ways to make money. While this is really obvious to some, I bought a book called Home-based Business for Dummies. What's funny is that when I thought of how people like my parents (well-educated engineering PhD's from Taiwan), there were three paths - work as a university professor (which sucked because you're poor), work for "The Man" (which sucks because you can laid off or forced into early retirement, or do startup companies. The latter was the path introduced to me as the path. Somehow, I had forgotten along the way that people could make money doing things (e.g., video editing, running a printing press franchise, distributing self-service photo kiosks) outside that world. This has now freed my mind a bit. Funny how that works

I am not a "free spirit." I always knew this. When I backpacked through Europe with a buddy of mine, I was ready to go home again after one month. He had planned to be out for two months and came home with me. On that trip, we met a number of "free spirits," and I now realize that I need roots. To some degree, by taking all of the fixed variables out of my life, I'm now recognizing that I'm actually getting more clouded, not less clouded as one would anticipate. What could be more liberating than having no job, no house, and no idea what lies next? Well, it's actually understanding oneself enough to realize that in many ways, there's a lot that isn't liberating about having too many options and to know to take the best from both worlds.

Any purpose for future education is going to be for credibility only. At one point, I'd toyed in the back of mind with getting a Ph.D. in psychology or a related field to build credibility. However, I've realized that the people I'd reach would probably respect more a degree from a school of business than a school of psychology. I also realized that I'm not a starving grad student type, and I'd do any further post-graduate study in a place that is either here or in a place that would allow me to take consulting gigs to work with local companies to keep myself alive. To me, that narrows it down to Stanford, Harvard, and UW - schools that have good psychology and graduate management programs, places that have familiarity (I've lived here, in the Bay Area, and in Boston), and places that would afford a better hybrid industry/academia life (ruling out places like New Haven, CT and Yale...)

I'll keep stripping things away as I understand them better.